Ok To Hang Up On Telemarketers, But Not To Insult Them
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm registering a vote to ABANDON MANNERS in a certain context.
Lately telemarketers have a new strategy: They just keep talking without letting you get a word in. They'll even keep asking the same questions, even if you choose not to answer them.
I hung up on one of them yesterday, but I'm feeling bad that A. I didn't hold her on the line to save the next victim, and B. I didn't go out of my way to point out that she's a worthless piece of garbage, so she should quit her job and go back to school.
I'll try to be worse/better next time, but I was expecting a call, so I needed the phone free.
GENTLE READER: Will it disappoint you to hear that this does not constitute abandoning manners?
Please don't threaten Miss Manners like that. Contrary to popular belief, being polite does not mean allowing others to take advantage of you. Etiquette does not require you to leave a door -- or telephone line -- open for intruders.
While feeling sorry for those who have to make their living annoying others -- your B option would indeed have been an abandonment of manners -- Miss Manners does not require their targets to put up with that rude technique. (And she hardly sees how bullying people could encourage sales. But apparently those who devise these scripts believe it does.)
Yet she knows that hanging up on someone, even justifiably, nevertheless feels rude. So she recommends the small courtesy of declaring "Sorry, I'm not interested" immediately before doing so. Whether or not the other person is listening.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our neighbors have invited us to a holiday meal on the same day every year for nearly 20 years. It's such a tradition that sometimes they wait until quite close to the event to let us know the time of the meal.
This year our family will be larger, due to a marriage and some visiting relatives. I suspect our neighbors would invite the extra family members, even though it would be hard to accommodate us all, and I don't want to burden our hosts. We might be out of town that day, anyway.
How do I let them know our plans are different this year without assuming an invitation will be made? They are very gracious and I want them to be able to plan, but I don't want to presume or offend.
GENTLE READER: Your hospitable neighbors are making a great mistake. People who kindly give annual parties should nevertheless go through the formality of issuing fresh invitations in good time every year.
Otherwise, Miss Manners is afraid that they will eventually find the same crowd showing up at their deathbeds expecting drinks.
You have several reasons to refrain from attending. One is the enlargement of your family. Another is your possible plan to travel. But the definitive one is: They haven't invited you! So you needn't respond until they do.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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