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DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a close neighbor who has now berated my husband and me several times for comments she found offensive.

The first time, her 6-year-old child was close to harming our infant daughter, and my husband asked him to back off -- not unkindly, and only after giving the neighbor a chance to intercede first. The neighbor shouted at my husband that he was not to speak to her son in that way, and enumerated a list of his other perceived offenses.

Another time, we enjoyed what seemed to be a perfectly pleasant dinner at their home, but I received an email the next day telling me I had again insulted her son and saying she would keep some distance from us for a while.

I immediately responded with an apology, but she kept an icy silence for some weeks. Witnesses to the evening agree with me that nothing that could even have been remotely perceived as offensive was said.

There have been some other minor instances. Last night, while at the home of a third neighbor, she again took offense at a question I asked about her husband. She told me I was "just mean." When I objected, politely, to tell her no offense was meant and she must have misunderstood my question, she shouted, "Just change the subject!" She never apologized for her behavior and I now feel forced to keep my distance.

She and her husband invite us over frequently, and we see one another on almost a daily basis. She often confides in me and seems in general to consider me a friend.

Is there any way I can tell her that I find her erratic and unpredictable attacks off-putting? Or must I keep my distance and simply pray she will not explode again?

GENTLE READER: Is your goal to reform this person or to minimize future contact with her?

Miss Manners would heartily understand the latter, which would require only an emphatic, but distant and continued, politeness to achieve.

She has no idea what would accomplish the former, and little inclination to find out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family gets together for holidays: my mom, my brother, his wife, their kids and my husband. My brother's wife has ruined each and every get-together by having constant fights with her little boy about eating.

Everyone sits there in awkward silence while she keeps insisting that he eat the food on his plate and he cries and pouts. My husband thinks next time we have a get-together at our house, we tell my brother's wife that we don't want her insisting that he eat, and that we will make him a separate meal, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Is this appropriate?

GENTLE READER: You might offer instead of telling.

Irrespective of how committed you are to a We've All Had About Enough approach, Miss Manners believes that your sister-in-law would actually be grateful if people would continue their own conversations while the meal is being negotiated on her end of the table, rather than drawing further attention to the conflict by allowing everything to grind to a stunned silence.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN