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DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a sidler in our family!

Whether at my house or hers, my daughter-in-law will silently sidle into a room behind me, and watch me from out of sight. I may be working in the kitchen or playing with a grandchild when I have a sudden feeling of being watched -- then I turn around and there she is, having silently walked into the room behind me.

I may say something like, "Oh, I didn't know you were there," and then she might engage in conversation, or she might just smile and walk away.

I have never encountered this behavior before, and I feel it is somewhat creepy. No one wants to feel like they are being spied on. If I enter a room where someone else is, I will acknowledge the other person.

I am not sure what to do. Should I say something about how it makes me feel when she is silently spying on me? Or should I just let it go and chalk it up to the quirks that we all have?

GENTLE READER: The behavior may be creepy, but Miss Manners advises against sharing your feelings on the subject, as that will inevitably mean criticizing her behavior -- which would also be rude.

If you are unwilling to overlook it, then that leaves two options. If you scream when you see her (because she surprised you), she may decide it is better to warn you of her arrival. Or you could always sit facing the door when she is over, and then say "hello" first.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After extensive genealogy research, I wrote a family history, including photos, official records, newspaper clippings, etc.

One of the newspaper clippings reported the accident that killed my great-grandfather, a railroad switchman, in 1890. The gruesome details weren't spared. Members of my parents' generation (his grandchildren, who never knew him, since he died at 25) were very upset that I included the clipping.

I'm still not sure how I should have handled it -- not included the information? Let people know how they could access the newspaper account if they wished?

GENTLE READER: Ah, but once your family history was written, where did it appear? The phrasing suggests a published book, but there are also magazines, websites, blogs and any number of methods of private distribution -- and that assumes it did not appear as video or audio content.

Miss Manners asks because the etiquette answer to your question depends on the publication format. A family history written for and distributed only to family members should, as a matter of tact and taste, omit gory details that would offend the recipients. However, a scholarly work might conclude it was a necessary part of the record.

In the latter case, the etiquette would be to warn your aunt that she might wish to skip the article in chapter four when you give her her copy. Know your audience.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN