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DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I want to start a conversation with a stranger -- say we're next to each other on an airplane -- I might comment on the book they're reading. Similarly, is it OK if I comment on their tattoo?

Especially if it's a tattoo of a name or other words, it seems like it was put there so people could read it.

GENTLE READER: You are half right: Miss Manners agrees that opening a conversation with a stranger requires quickly ascertaining their willingness to participate -- and stopping if they would rather read their book.

However, tattoos are off-limits. The logic that they are there to be read, though clever, is too obviously flawed, as it leads to the conclusion that every tattooed person not wearing a floor-length coat is eager to talk to anyone who comes along.

And commenting on another person's body (or body art) is invasive. Ask about the book -- or find something even less personal -- and then do not confuse mere civility with consent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year I take a friend out to dinner for her birthday. She always chooses the same restaurant, even though I don't care for it.

What bothers me, though, is that she always orders the largest portion and takes half home, so in actuality, she has two meals instead of one. She claims that she always orders the same thing in this restaurant regardless of whether I'm with her or not.

I feel that buying someone a birthday dinner means buying one dinner, not two. What is the proper course of action? I have been hesitant to speak up about this, but the cost of the meal with the tip is now close to $100, and is out of my budget.

GENTLE READER: You are going to need to talk to your friend. But this is not going to be a pleasant conversation.

As such, Miss Manners recommends picking just one of your three complaints -- and not the one that puts the blame on your friend for taking advantage of your generosity. Sometimes offense is not the best defense -- merely the surest way to give offense.

Ask if there is any way she would be willing to choose another restaurant this year, either because you have gotten tired of this one, or because you can no longer afford it. The latter is more embarrassing, but marginally less likely to result in your being told that this is supposed to be her day.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It's pretty common when someone sneezes, belches or passes gas for them to say "Excuse me." Is there any appropriate response to that statement?

I can't really think of one. It seems strange to not acknowledge it at all. However, saying something like "You're excused" sounds very patronizing to me.

GENTLE READER: No acknowledgment is expected, required or desired -- which is not to say you should sit in uncomfortable silence. The proper thing to do is to get the conversation away from the sound effect, whether that means continuing the topic that was interrupted or introducing a new one.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN