ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of our ladies' restrooms at work has a push-open door; there is no latch and no handle on the outside. One of my co-workers tends to blast through this door at top speed, often startling a person reaching for the handle on the other side.

Today, after narrowly avoiding being struck hard by said door, I'm afraid I made a comment to the effect that she should really slow down when opening the door. I normally wouldn't attempt to correct someone's behavior, but I'm very concerned that she is going to injure someone.

This normally pleasant and friendly person appeared to be barely able to contain her anger at my comment and stated that while she was sorry she nearly hit me with the door, "This is how I move." Do I owe her an apology for criticizing?

GENTLE READER: It is not clear to Miss Manners how harsh your comment was. But since you stated that you were "afraid" you made it, then there is a chance that it was as rude as your co-worker's comeback.

Let us call it a draw -- and as your colleague already gave you an apology of sorts, give her one back. Because if that is how she moves under normal circumstances, you would do well not to anger her further.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While dining at a casual lunch spot, I was surprised by the appearance of a young bride wearing a full-length wedding gown and bridal tiara. She was accompanied by the groom and what appeared to be her parents and sister, all dressed in church attire. There were no other guests.

While I felt joy in witnessing a young couple on their wedding day, I also felt a little sad that their wedding lunch should be at a rather commonplace restaurant amongst strangers.

After leaving, it occurred to me that I could have anonymously paid for the wedding party's lunch as a celebratory gesture of goodwill. In my mind, it would have been akin to sending over a bottle of champagne to their table, which would not have been an option at this establishment.

My wife is of the opinion that it may have been insulting to pay for their meal, that they might have interpreted it as a commentary on their financial situation. While I recognize that the gesture could have been misinterpreted, my intent would have been purely altruistic.

Though the question is academic since I failed to take action, I would appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

GENTLE READER: Paying anonymously might have been charming. Feeling sorry for this perfectly happy couple, however, was not.

As far as you and Miss Manners know, the restaurant is a sentimental favorite. Or the spot where the two got engaged. Or they are the owners. Or they just really, really like it.

Please do not waste your sympathy on the misguided and vulgar notion that spending loads of money is a prerequisite for a lovely wedding or meaningful reception.

Or that it needs to be impressive to outsiders to count.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN