ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have just returned from a weekend at a so-called friend's home, and talk about feeling unwelcome. She was on my heels "cleaning up" after me all weekend, and I didn't make a mess!

I was given a towel and washcloth. After using them, I neatly hung them on her towel bar, only to be later told that they had been moved to the laundry room to dry. I had evidently upset her "display" towel bar. When I was ready to shower again, I needed to go to the laundry room to get them.

I didn't have time to iron my clothing prior to leaving, so I pressed things as I needed them. I was short for time, so I left my blouse and capri pants folded on the ironing board (which was in the guest room) so that I could press them later.

My hostess pressed them, hung them up and removed the ironing board eyesore from her "display" guest room.

My slippers, which I placed perpendicular to the bed, were turned to the same angle as her bookrack, to compliment it. I had left my small cosmetic bag to the left side of her vanity, but it, too, marred her "display," so she stored it underneath, leaving only her cosmetics and perfume on the top.

I made the guest bed prior to leaving my room each morning, but on the final morning, the hostess told me not to bother as she was going to strip it. While I was showering, she stripped the sheets from the bed although I had not even finished using the room to dress or repack.

I felt very "driven out."

When people come to my home for a visit, the guest room is their private sanctuary. I do not enter to straighten their things, iron their clothes, strip bedding, or rifle through their belongings. I do not try their cosmetics, uninvited, out of curiosity, and then give them my opinion of them and how they compare to the ones that I am using. If they leave their towel and washcloth on the towel bar with mine, or their cosmetics on my vanity, that is fine with me. They are welcome in my home, and I do not enter the room until they have departed.

When we would sit and try to talk, I did not start one single sentence that the hostess did not interrupt after about three words. She would then begin talking about something completely different, or about herself -- making what I was saying unimportant compared to what she had to say. I finally stopped conversing, and just sat there shaking my head or answering "yes" or "no."

I felt completely unwelcome there.

GENTLE READER: And Miss Manners would understand if you did not rush to see this friend again. Unless it was to drop off all your ironing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was always taught to stand for the national anthem. For years, I was involved with equine sports. Should a rider dismount when the anthem plays, or remain mounted?

GENTLE READER: No, the horse can stand for both of you.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN