Salon Customer Feels Excluded By Language
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been going to a nail salon twice a month for two years. The owner and staff are all Vietnamese. My manicurist gives wonderful mani-pedis, and I have no complaints about the service.
At some point during each appointment, and sometimes several times while I am there, the owner and some employees will have a conversation in Vietnamese. This happens in front of me and other customers. They sometimes laugh afterwards, especially after someone leaves the salon. I believe they are making comments about their customers.
I understand they may feel comfortable in their native language. Unfortunately, this is not the first salon where I have encountered this. I feel so awkward when it happens, but I'm really uncomfortable bringing it up.
What is the best way to handle this? Do I need to change salons? If I were to say something, what would you suggest? Can I express how awkward this feels? I would like to remain a customer there.
GENTLE READER: Learn how to speak Vietnamese.
Miss Manners is not suggesting a "gotcha" moment where you go on the attack, trying to prove that these employees are berating their customers. But a few polite phrases in their language would serve to warn the manicurists that their conversations may not be private.
Or you could simply acknowledge that people can talk among themselves, without eavesdroppers assuming ill will.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been godparents to the lovely daughter of very good friends. She is about to turn 18.
For her entire life, we have been attentive. We have attended baptisms, communions, school performances and graduations. We have faithfully given birthday and Christmas gifts.
Never once have we received any recognition or a thank-you note.
I am wondering how to gently cut the cord. I do not want to be mean, and my wish is not to comment on her manners. I am looking for a phrase that we can include with the final gift. Something along the lines of, "Now that you are an adult, you don't need us anymore."
Do you have any thoughtful phrases that will let the relationship disengage?
GENTLE READER: The phrase you are seeking exists, but you would be better not to express it.
Allow Miss Manners to explain. You want to -- but quite rightly know you cannot -- say, "You are a rude little girl and you should have acknowledged all those birthday and holiday gifts. Well, here's the last one you will get from us. Good riddance."
So instead, you are looking for something that ends the obligation without being mean or critical. Any announcement that does that will, by its very lack of information, imply things you do not mean. A curt "goodbye" is alarming, and if you soften it by talking about not seeing her as much, it will sound like you are feeling neglected and self-pitying.
Would it not be far easier to cross her birthday off your calendar and go on about your business?
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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