ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a new colleague to lunch. We were having a nice conversation about baseball when he said, "I've always felt inferior for being short."

Huh? I said, "Maybe you'll grow up."

Stupid and mean, but what was I supposed to say? "Everyone loves you anyway"? How was I supposed to react? He IS short. Should I have told him he's not, but that maybe he should get a better haircut? Kidding.

It was like when I first met my sister-in-law's sister at a family dinner, and she said, "You know, Mom bullied both of us." I was tempted to say, "Well, bully for Mom."

What is it with these instant confessions? It's like they are bragging -- but about how miserable they are, not how important.

Am I a monster for not wanting to hear all this? If a real friend finally told me a secret about themselves, that would be different. I would listen and offer sympathy. But with these folks, it's like their problems are their identity.

Are they warning me that I'm supposed to be especially nice to them, even though they haven't shown any interest in me?

I don't want to be nasty, I just don't want to be everyone's therapist. That old saw "Thank you for sharing" sounds like a put-down, but is that what I need?

GENTLE READER: "I guess we all have something. But we soldier on, don't we?" And back to the baseball conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I enjoy weekly outings to local establishments. We make our rounds, rotating our visits to four or five different places.

To keep costs low, we visit during these businesses' happy hours, and we have a rough estimate of what the total expenses will be ahead of time. There is one location we use as a benchmark for comparing prices to other places.

There are times when we visit a new location to mix things up. At new places, we find it awkward to politely ask the cost of things. Menus sometimes do not clearly define an item's price. My wife and I are not the kind to simply order something without knowing the cost first.

Without embarrassing ourselves or allowing those around us to overhear our request for the price, how can we (or should we) ask what a glass of wine or a favorite beer will cost?

GENTLE READER: When you consider buying an item in a store, are you embarrassed to ask the price before deciding?

Miss Manners has always been puzzled when people fail to recognize that restaurants, however splendid, are businesses that sell cooked food. And atmosphere, sure. But they are not coy about charging you, and there is no reason for you to be coy about asking for prices.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN