ArcaMax

Dear Eric: I have read a lot about remote work but have never seen anything about the people left in the office. My responsibilities require that I am in the office every day. My direct supervisor is 100 percent remote, and the other supervisors are remote at least half the week.

Several of my coworkers are full-time remote and the others are remote at least twice a week. I can definitely tell the difference between those in the office and those that are remote.

Those who are at home take several extra hours responding to emails or texts, sometimes even days. The frustration is maddening. I can't do my job because I'm waiting on answers.

And not having my direct supervisor here causes all kinds of confusion. There are times I just need in-person help and I don't get it. I have a feeling it will never change. I definitely feel like the level of customer service has gone down because of it.

– Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated: A common thread in a functional work environment, whether in-person, remote, or hybrid, is a clear understanding of workflow and expectations. It sounds like your company’s workflow hasn’t been designed well enough to accommodate this new setup and it’s leaving you twiddling your thumbs.

This is something that you can and should bring up with your supervisor. When you do, don’t just come armed with complaints but also suggest ways that things can improve.

If you need immediate or quick answers to emails, ask your supervisor about expectations around email responsiveness and ask to whom and when you can escalate questions if you don’t get a reply in the time expected.

Ask your supervisor about their expectations of you and point out any areas where those expectations can’t be met because of the way the in-office/remote divide is working.

Also think about concrete ways that your job performance is suffering because your direct supervisor isn’t in the office and ask about ways you both can address it, whether it’s instituting more phone conversations, using a quick response platform like Slack, or something else.

Dear Eric: We are in our late 70s. Our son and daughter-in-law have three children, now 20, 18, and 15 years old.

A few weeks ago, we visited the two older kids at their respective schools. (They are in their junior and freshman years of college). During the course of these visits, we invited them to come visit us at our winter home over their Christmas break. They both have a month-long break during December and January. They were both delighted with the invitation and said they would talk with their parents about it.

Within 24 hours of arriving home, we received a phone call from the parents, who left no doubt that they were furious with us. Their mother said that we have put her in an untenable situation, and telling the kids “no” would make her “look bad.” We can’t fathom why she would tell them no, since the family has no other plans for the Christmas break, she and our son would be working at their jobs during the week in question, and we don’t think it’s her decision to make anyway. The “children” are young adults, who are capable of choosing their own actions.

By the way, we’ve apologized to the 15-year-old for any hurt feelings, and assured her that when she turns 18, we look forward to inviting her to travel to us as well. She seems to be content with our promise. But our daughter-in-law is not speaking to us, and the older grandkids are anguished. Do you have any advice for us?

– Christmas Break

Dear Break: It might be helpful to put yourself in your son and daughter-in-law’s shoes. With two children in college, they may be missing the energy in the house and looking forward to having the whole family home over break. And, although you’re only suggesting the kids take a week out of their break to spend with you, it could have felt to your daughter-in-law that she was losing out on valuable time.

This can be a tricky period in any parent’s life and it’s totally understandable that your son and daughter-in-law might have envisioned one kind of break (especially considering that the middle child is in the first year of college). This is a plan that works best at the whole family level right now, given the newness of the arrangement, the one grandchild that wasn’t included, and the difficulty of coordinating calendars in general.

Try to smooth things over by acknowledging that you understand how important time over college breaks can be and affirming that you didn’t mean to upset the apple cart. You might even propose a compromise that allows you to see the whole family.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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