ArcaMax

Dear Eric: My 50-year-old-son spent the night with another woman one year ago. His wife told him to leave the house after reading his cellphone the next day. My son and his wife were divorced within eight months, as my former daughter-in-law wanted.

My son knows he did the wrong thing by cheating on his wife. He knew he caused pain.

After living in our guest cabin for eight months, he is now happy and living with the other woman. Our family has spent some time with the other woman and we all like her, including my 30-year-old grandson and his wife.

But my son’s daughter, a wonderful, kind, thoughtful 25-year-old, refuses to meet or talk to the other woman. Can I do anything to help bridge this situation?

Also, my former daughter-in-law (my son’s ex) now refuses to talk to me and my husband. She's strong-willed and very bitter. Should I just write her off as a bitter, unhappy woman? She won't

return my texts or phone calls. We do live within 20 miles but never run into each other.

– Mother in the Middle

Dear Middle: It’s best for everyone if you stay out of this as much as possible. Your son and your granddaughter are adults and it’s their responsibility to mend the relationship.

Your granddaughter is perfectly within her rights to not want to meet her father’s new girlfriend at the moment. She may come around; she may not. But that’s up to her. If your son wants that situation to change, he’ll need to reach out to his daughter and have a vulnerable conversation.

It may be that your granddaughter holds some resentment against him for cheating on his wife, whom I presume is your granddaughter’s mother. It’s also possible that there are issues in this relationship that stem from other behaviors or personality traits. You can encourage your son to talk to his daughter, and you can be a listening ear to one or both of them, but you shouldn’t try to intervene.

As to your former daughter-in-law, your characterization of her comes off as a little harsh. It’s difficult to see where the love in this relationship is or why you want to continue it. But it’s not fair to blame her for having hard feelings.

It’s also possible that she feels resentful that your family has so quickly embraced someone else. Or she may be trying to put a part of her life behind her. This can be painful – for you and for her. You need not write her off, but it is necessary to accept the boundary she’s put in place and release her.

Dear Eric: What questions do you recommend I ask people who claim to love democracy and nature, are middle or upper class, but do not put real time into organizing for democracy or climate justice, or healthcare, housing, or education justice?

These same people will, however, blow hours on their dog, or cat, or lawn, or watching their city's football team, or go on weekly nature hikes, et cetera.

– Politically Involved

Dear Involved: You seem to be describing a very specific kind of person, presumably in your social circle. And, if I could presume a little more, this question likely stems from a disagreement or misalignment between yourself and that person. But since I don’t know the details, I’m going to give you a more general response that will help you have conversations with people about civic engagement.

First, putting time into hobbies or pets or leisure and loving democracy aren’t mutually exclusive. We show our values by what we devote time to, and you may devote more of your time to organizing or other initiatives, but it’s not productive to hold others to a standard that you set.

As you know, organizing and making any kind of political or social change requires many hands over a prolonged period doing many different things. Every movement needs people in the streets and people in the legislature and people stuffing envelopes and much more.

Often, when organizers are trying to build support, they’ll have what are called “Relational Meetings” which are conversations meant to share the core values and motivating interests of each conversation partner in hopes of finding common ground and ways of working together toward shared goals. The objective is to get people to tell stories about what they care about in hopes of identifying their “why.”

I encourage you to approach those in your community with curiosity about their “why.” Ask people what they care about, what brings them joy, what concerns them. Don’t go in with the goal of changing them or chastising them. Instead, look for understanding and from there you’ll be able to see opportunities to invite them into the work you’re doing.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.