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Dear Eric: I’m getting married this summer after a long engagement. We’ve planned a destination wedding. Everyone we’ve invited has said they’re very excited about it and we got almost all yeses on our RSVPs, which I’ve read is rare. I have a great feeling about the whole thing.

The problem is my twin brother, who has been dating his girlfriend for about as long as I’ve been engaged (five years). I’ve been encouraging him to pop the question for a while now. I like his girlfriend a lot and I know that they’re good for each other. I’m not pressuring, but I don’t see what the hold-up is. Of course, I’m not really one to talk, since I had a five-year engagement. But my fiancé was in school.

Well, all my encouragement has come back to bite me, I guess. Because my brother asked me for permission to ask his girlfriend to marry him during our wedding weekend. It wouldn’t be at the actual wedding or reception. He was thinking about getting the family together for a toast before the rehearsal dinner on the first day of the weekend and proposing there. He said it would be a great way to kick off the festivities.

I am really torn about this. I want to support my brother, but I can’t understand why it has to happen on this particular weekend. Do I have to just grin and bear it?

– Already Saved the Date

Dear Date: No, you don’t have to grin and bear it. It may seem like a convenient time to gather family to help him celebrate his engagement (presuming the answer is yes), but you’re the one who actually did the gathering here and you should voice your opinion about his plan.

Your brother is free to do whatever he wants, of course. But if you’re uncomfortable with him proposing minutes before your rehearsal dinner, you should tell him that and ask him to find another time to propose. The plan doesn’t seem so foolproof to me anyway. What are the guests who only know your fiancé supposed to do during this toast, for instance?

You don’t own the weekend or the destination, but you’ve put a lot of work into creating a special experience for yourself and those you love. Hopefully your brother can see that and see his part in it.

Dear Eric: My daughter recently moved to a big city overseas for a job. She had a place to stay for a couple weeks while she and two friends who lived in the city looked for an apartment together. But there was a week where she did not have a place to stay before they took possession of the apartment. She was planning to stay at a youth hostel or somewhere quite cheap as she doesn't make much money.

One of the roommates needed a place to stay as well as she was staying with her boyfriend. This girl comes from a wealthy family and told my daughter her parents would get an Airbnb for them and invited her to stay there.

It was a one-bedroom in a very expensive part of town and my daughter slept on the couch. The girl only stayed one night as she chose to stay at her boyfriend's place.

Two months later the girl requested my daughter pay for half of the Airbnb which was $1,200!

She would never have stayed there and had no input in choosing this place. She cannot afford to pay this amount, and I feel she shouldn't have to as this was never agreed upon. They have had heated arguments about this and now she is saying that she should pay something as a gesture. It appears this girl gets a large monthly allowance and, when she spends most of it, she comes back to my daughter insisting she pay for the Airbnb. Any thoughts?

– Confused Mom

Dear Mom: On the surface, it seems that the friend is either taking advantage of your daughter or has a profoundly different understanding of finances. Maybe both. Splitting the cost is definitely something that should have been discussed before. From what you’ve written, it sounds like the friend gave the impression that her parents were simply going to cover the cost. It still would have been helpful for your daughter to clarify this, but that strikes me as more akin to a live-and-learn situation than a mistake that should cost her $1,200.

This may not be the best roommate arrangement for your daughter moving forward and, depending on what other agreements have been made, she may want to start looking for something else. Splitting household costs and continuing to be in conflict with this person about the Airbnb seems like a recipe for an unhappy home life.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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