ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter and her boyfriend want to move back home with my husband and me. They are both in their 30s and have made irresponsible financial decisions that have gotten them to this point. They rented an apartment for $4,000 per month, bought brand-new cars and constantly ate out. There is so much more, but I won't even get into it. This has led to them having more than $100,000 of credit card debt and being evicted from their apartment because they couldn't pay rent.

My husband and I have worked hard to build a comfortable life for ourselves, and I worry that letting my daughter and her boyfriend move in will disrupt the peace we have worked so hard to maintain. I love my daughter and don't want to see her struggle, but I also feel frustrated knowing that many of these problems could have been avoided if they had made better decisions. I'm afraid that if we let them move in, they will continue living beyond their means. I want to help them get back on their feet, but I also want them to take accountability for their actions and learn how to manage their finances responsibly. Would I be a bad mother if I refused to let them move in, or should I give them a chance to get back on their feet under our roof? How can I support my daughter without enabling her financial irresponsibility? -- Daughter in Debt

DEAR DAUGHTER IN DEBT: Think carefully before welcoming them into your home. Chances are, unfortunately, that they will not miraculously develop healthier financial behavior under your roof. Instead, what you may want to consider is giving them -- yes, GIVING -- a lump sum to help them get another apartment and start over -- provided they can even get another lease. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before being able to change your behavior. If at all possible, don't let their rock bottom be at your house. They might end up living there for years.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is a request for you, in response to "Resentful Child," the child of an alcoholic dad who is five years sober. Whenever you read that someone has a family member who is or has been an alcoholic or addict, please direct their loved ones to Al-Anon or Alateen. There are people there who are in the same positions and who have learned to live a full life without resenting the alcoholic or addict, regardless of the state of sobriety of said individual. This is a self-help program that teaches people to direct their attention to themselves. It has changed so many lives, including my own. It provides hope for the hopeless. I have learned that resentments are character defects that will poison my life if I do not root them out. -- Get Them Help

DEAR GET THEM HELP: Thank you for this important reminder. What's great about Al-Anon, Alateen and Alcoholics Anonymous is that these programs are free and available to anyone who needs them. All you must have is a willingness to get better. For anyone who needs this support, look online to find a local meeting. There are even telephone and Zoom meetings available, should you need them.

========

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.