Woman Upset That Friend Is Dating Her Ex-Husband
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends decided that she wanted to start dating my ex-husband. I have been remarried for two years and I'm completely over him, but something about this makes me feel weird. I have started asking questions about whether they always looked at each other this way and whether I should be upset. There are so many men on this earth, and my friend really had to go for my ex.
I asked her whether she always felt this way about my ex, and she denied having feelings for him while we were married. I'm not sure if I believe her. My friend and I have known each other for years, so I thought she would have considered how this might make me feel before pursuing a relationship with him.
I don't want to seem jealous or like I haven't moved on -- especially since I am happily remarried -- but I can't help feeling uncomfortable. I also worry that dating my ex could create awkward situations at future gatherings or cause old memories to resurface. Am I wrong for feeling this way, even though I no longer want to be with my ex-husband? Should I tell my friend that I am uncomfortable with their relationship, or should I keep my feelings to myself and let them do what they want? -- Off-Limits
DEAR OFF-LIMITS: The way I came up, there were some unwritten rules, and that was one of them: no dating your good friends' exes. Period. It just wasn't done. It doesn't matter that you aren't with him anymore, he should be off-limits. Is that selfish? I think it's good boundaries. Obviously, she doesn't think so. You can tell her for the record, but since she's already dating him, chances are, she won't stop.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently celebrated my first full year in New York City, and although I feel proud of many accomplishments I've made, there's a part of me that feels lost and behind. When I was in college, I had a set road map and thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Now I work at a restaurant and feel further away from my goals than ever. Everyone around me seems to have their lives together and an incredible amount of discipline. I'm 24, and everyone tells me I have all the time in the world, but every day working in places I don't have a passion for makes the time go by faster and makes me feel smaller. How do I find clarity? -- Lost in New York
DEAR LOST IN NEW YORK: Most people don't have their lives figured out by 24, even if they look like they do. It can seem daunting at times, especially in New York City, where the grind is real. Do yourself a favor: Make a refreshed road map for what you want for yourself. Make a timeline and small goals that can lead you there. Stop comparing yourself to others. Instead, look for opportunities that match your interests. Say what you want out loud so that others can hear and support you. Even though you are busy, find something you love and volunteer to help there. Create an opportunity for yourself by being great at everything you do -- even when you don't get paid for it.
========
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
Comments