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DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 45-year-old woman, and a 26-year-old man I've been getting to know wants a serious relationship that leads to marriage. He has been consistent and clear about his intentions. I enjoy our connection, but I've also been honest with him about my hesitation regarding our 19-year age gap. He knows how I feel and remains interested in building a future together.

What touches me most is the hopefulness he brings to love. He hasn't experienced the painful relationships that have made me more cautious. He speaks about marriage and building a life together with an openness that makes me want to believe in those possibilities, too. Still, I wonder how much our different experiences shape what we each expect.

I'm a mother of three, and my children are older now. As I get closer to having an empty nest, I find myself wondering what this next chapter of my life will look like. I'm also open to having more children, despite my age. I never had the opportunity to experience pregnancy with the joy and support I would have wished for. Sharing that experience with a loving, committed husband would mean a great deal to me, although I know I cannot promise that we would be able to have a child together.

He has no children, and I keep wondering whether a future with me would be fair to him. I want him to experience the marriage and family he hopes for. What could be a beautiful new chapter for me might come with compromises he hasn't fully considered. At the same time, I recognize that he is an adult, and I don't want to assume I understand his needs better than he does.

Am I being selfish by even considering this relationship? How do I distinguish between practical concerns about our future and fears shaped by my past? -- A Matter of Age

DEAR A MATTER OF AGE: When a man is 19 years older than a woman, there's less worry for some reason. In your case, be realistic about the diminished likelihood of having more children. You both need to be OK with that to move forward. Talk about the life you want to build together. Be rigorously open and honest. Express your fears and hopes. Invite him to do the same. Don't hide secrets. Who says you two can't enjoy long-lasting love? Engage a couples counselor to help you sort through your concerns.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met this guy, and as soon as we met, it felt like an instant, intense connection. We were by each other's side for days on end. He's gone out with my friends and me, and everyone loves him. My friends say they can tell he's very into me. Now after two weeks of consistently seeing each other, he has been rushing out the door in the morning immediately after we've been intimate. It drives me crazy, and it makes me feel so used! He has a girl roommate, and I have a suspicion that they are also intimate, which is why he leaves so abruptly. How do I approach talking to him about this? -- Love or Lust

DEAR LOVE OR LUST: Ask him directly what's up. Tell him you don't like his recent behavior, and you want to understand what's going on. If he doesn't talk, tell him what you believe. If you don't accept him jetting like that, say as much, and stop being intimate until he can be honest.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.