Date Ends After Man Makes Racial Assumptions
DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone recently made assumptions about my race, and I lost my cool. This happens all too often for me, and that was the straw that broke this camel's back. On a date, I showed a photo of my parents while we were discussing something totally unrelated, and his only comment was, "I didn't realize that you were these two races." He sounded genuinely disappointed by what he had just learned, and I ended the date right then and there.
I am tired of people making assumptions about who I am, where they think I'm from or what they think my background should be based on how I look. I don't want to constantly feel like I have to explain or defend my identity to people I'm just getting to know. At the same time, I wonder whether I am letting these experiences make me too quick to anger. How do I protect my peace without allowing other people's ignorance to harden me? -- Guess Who?
DEAR GUESS WHO?: I recommend going on the offensive. Start by owning your identity and defining stories you want to tell about who you are. Every one of us is unique, and all that makes you you is perfect. You don't have to tell everybody the nuances of your identity, but do yourself a favor and be prepared to share dynamic stories about who you are when the time is right. I consider one's identity their superpower. Being able to answer the question "Who am I?" is powerful. No need to shy away from that. Instead, jump in. Select a story that boldly claims who you are and can instantly shut people down.
Or, when you don't want to answer, flip it on them: Ask them who they are. "You are so curious about me. Tell me about yourself instead." Probe to see how much they know about their legacy. Press to learn more. This helps others see what it feels like.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 45-year-old woman working with a bunch of 20- and 30-somethings, and I've been having a difficult time fitting into their culture. They talk about going out, TV shows I've never heard of and what's trending on TikTok. It feels so isolating to be different from the rest of my colleagues. During lunch breaks and team outings, I often find myself sitting quietly because I can't contribute much to their conversations. I've tried asking questions and showing interest in what they discuss, but sometimes I feel like I'm trying too hard to fit in. Although everyone is generally friendly, I worry that my age is preventing me from building meaningful relationships with my co-workers.
I enjoy my job and want to feel more connected to the people I work with, but I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not just to fit in. Sometimes I wonder if they see me as boring or out of touch simply because I don't share their interests. How can I bridge the generational gap and feel more comfortable around my younger colleagues? -- Bridging the Gap
DEAR BRIDGING THE GAP: Accept that you are different. Remain curious about the topics they find interesting, and learn a bit more about anything that genuinely sparks your interest. Don't be afraid to talk about your own interests. Consider your ideas valid and present them as such. You can learn from each other.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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