Daughter's Fall Causes Pain For Whole Family
DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter recently fell down the stairs and became paralyzed from the waist down. The adjustment has been difficult on her and the rest of our family. She used to be a very active girl who loved to play sports, and now she can't, which has caused her to become depressed. She has to watch from the sidelines, and I can tell she feels she is missing out on her adolescence.
I feel so guilty because she tripped on my shoes when she fell down the stairs, and now I worry she blames me. I know that the accident was not something I ever intended to happen, but I can't stop replaying that moment in my head and wondering whether I could have prevented it.
My daughter has become much quieter since the accident, and sometimes she gets angry when I try to encourage her to stay positive. As her mother, I want to be there for her without constantly reminding her of everything she has lost or making her feel like I am expecting her to be OK before she is ready. My husband tells me that I need to stop blaming myself, but it is difficult when I feel responsible for what happened. How can I support my daughter through this while also learning to forgive myself for what happened? -- The Fall
DEAR THE FALL: You and your daughter need therapy to work through how to move forward. Guilt and pain cannot be the biggest presence in the room. You have to forgive yourself, and she has to learn how to live with her body today. She also needs physical and occupational therapies to help her navigate her new normal.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew is moving to New York City, and my sister expects my son to break his lease to go live with him. It will cost about $7,000 to do so; she said she wouldn't help pay this cost, but we should because she wants our sons to live together. I told her that this is ridiculous and it is so entitled to think that my son would break his lease like this. He lives in a nice area and has a great apartment with roommates he gets along with. My son also has no desire to move and is perfectly happy with his current living situation. My sister thinks that because the boys are cousins, they should want to live together and build a closer relationship. She keeps saying that my son could find another apartment and that it would be a great experience for both of them.
I don't think it's fair to ask my son to give up a place he loves and spend thousands of dollars to break a lease just because it would make my sister happy. She has even suggested that we are being selfish and preventing the cousins from becoming closer. How can I make my sister understand that this is not a reasonable thing to ask of my son? -- Unreasonable
DEAR UNREASONABLE: Just tell her no. Her son has to figure out his way in the city, just as your son has. The end. It is not your son's responsibility to turn his life upside down to accommodate him. New York is a tough town, and he will need tremendous strength to make it work for him.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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