Dad Wants Daughter To Follow His Wishes
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 22-year-old daughter who recently graduated college and moved back home. In high school, she developed obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety, and she missed a lot of social growth as a result. A couple of years ago, she started dating a guy I don't like. He is controlling; before they even started dating, he'd always ask where she was and who she was with. I'm concerned he's a problem, but she doesn't see it. Now, she often spends the night with him. This bothers me because this isn't how she was raised, and I don't think it's appropriate. Also, she is a bit naive due to her earlier issues. When she doesn't come home at night, I find myself not speaking to her for a few days. I've told her about my concerns and that she has the rest of her life to do whatever she wants, but as long as she's living here, she should respect my wishes and come home at night. I want to add, we pay for her healthcare, car insurance and cellphone. Do I have the right to expect her to respect my wishes while she is under my roof? -- Perplexed Father
DEAR PERPLEXED FATHER: You have the right to enforce whatever rules you want in your home. That said, you may not want to throw your daughter out, especially since this may be a vulnerable time for her -- and it's likely she would just move in with him. Rather than threatening to kick her out, engage her as the young woman she is. Talk to her about her choices, her values and her desires for the future. Do your best to get her to open up so you can learn what she wants for her life in the big picture. I don't recommend ultimatums. Instead, encourage nonjudgmental communication so that you can discover how best to support her.
As far as spending the night out, out of respect for you, ask her at least to let you know when she will not be coming home. You may not appreciate her being at this man's house at all, but at least she should respect your peace of mind. In turn, you can stop giving her the cold shoulder for days upon her return. You need to establish an adult relationship with her.
DEAR HARRIETTE: In your advice to "Payback," the reader who lent $8,000 to her friend and hasn't seen any of it back, you should have advised the lady to always write a check when loaning money. Then in the memo line, write: "Loan for moving. Pay back in one year," or whatever the case may be. This way, you always have a record of what is expected when going to court. Take a picture of the check, and make sure you can see an image of it when it has been cashed. -- Been There
DEAR BEEN THERE: That's a good idea. At least the loaner would have made an effort to document the transaction. And yes, it creates a paper trail for court. The challenge, of course, is that if people really don't have the money, not even a court decision can miraculously manifest it. That's why old folks used to say, "Don't lend anything to anyone that you really need back because you may never get it."
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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