Boss Makes Inappropriate Comments To Subordinate
DEAR HARRIETTE: This week, my boss made an inappropriate comment about my outfit and body, which made me super uncomfortable. He said that my body looked hot in my dress and that I knew what I was doing to show off my curves. The culture of my company is casual and informal, but I feel like this crossed a line of what is OK to say to your co-workers.
I want to address this comment with him, but I am afraid it will be poorly received. Since he is my boss, I feel like there is a power dynamic that makes it harder to speak up. I have always tried to maintain a positive relationship with him, and I do not want this incident to make our working relationship awkward. At the same time, I do not want him to think that comments about my body are acceptable or that I am comfortable with that kind of attention.
I have considered going to human resources, but I am unsure whether that would escalate the situation unnecessarily. How can I address this situation in a way that establishes clear boundaries while protecting myself professionally? Should I speak to him directly first, or would it be better to document the incident and seek guidance from HR? -- Crossed the Line
DEAR CROSSED THE LINE: If you can drum up the courage, speak to your boss directly first. Tell him that you need to address something that made you uncomfortable. Remind him of his comments about your dress and your body, and tell him that this made you uncomfortable. Ask him to refrain from making such comments in the future. Reinforce that you believe you two have a good working relationship and you are counting on that to continue.
Watch how he reacts. If he seems to have received your message, you can take a wait-and-see approach to his behavior. If your gut tells you to report him to HR, do so. Just know: I have talked to HR executives who warn that it is their job to protect the company; that does not always mean they will protect you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling a bit disconnected from my friends since I decided to become sober. I do not plan on being sober forever, but I want to fundamentally change my relationship with substances. I fear that a lot of my relationships are built on partying, and while I love my friends so deeply, I feel a bit left out when I don't want to drink four or five times a week. I am still young, so should I stop stressing and keep partying? Every night there seems to be some fun plans, and I feel FOMO when I decide to stay home. Am I being too hard on myself or protecting my peace? -- Brooklyn Baddies
DEAR BROOKLYN BADDIES: What some sober people do to draw less attention to themselves is order mocktails when they hang with friends. This way, they have a drink in hand and stand out less. It is healthy to drink less, and starting young is excellent. If you never drink again, that's great. If you choose moderation down the line, that works, too. Try not to pressure yourself to fit in. Figure out how to hang -- sometimes -- and stay sober. Also learn how to enjoy your time away from the party. There's lots more to occupy your time.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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