Wife Upset That Husband Supports Cheating Brother
DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother-in-law got caught cheating on his wife, and my husband is defending his brother's actions. This has made me question my husband's values. If he is defending his brother for cheating on his wife, what's stopping him from cheating on me and thinking that there is nothing wrong with that? I understand that this is his brother, but even for the people we love, we need to be able to admit when they are wrong. When I tried discussing the situation with my husband, he accused me of judging his brother too harshly and said that their marriage is none of our business. He believes his brother made a mistake and deserves support rather than criticism, but I feel that he is minimizing the hurt and betrayal his sister-in-law is experiencing.
I have always believed that honesty and loyalty are essential in a marriage, and I am struggling to understand how my husband can overlook something that goes against those values. Now I find myself wondering whether we share the same beliefs about commitment and fidelity. I don't want this situation to create a divide in our marriage, but I also don't want to ignore something that genuinely concerns me. How can I address my concerns with my husband without making him feel that he has to choose between me and his brother? -- Unfaithful
DEAR UNFAITHFUL: Say exactly that to him. Sit down with him and tell him that what concerns you the most about this situation is that you now question your husband's values. Ask him what he holds sacred in marriage and what his personal thoughts are about faithfulness. If he deflects to his brother, tell him you are talking about values and the two of you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom and I are at odds because of how I choose to raise my 10-year-old twins. I am an active mom who wants the most for my children, so I keep them busy. I expect them to read daily, practice their sports and instruments, and attend tutoring three times a week. My mom says I'm harsh with them and they are going to hate me when they are older. I believe they will be grateful for molding them into intelligent, well-rounded adults.
I want my children to have every opportunity to succeed, and I worry that if I don't push them now, they won't reach their full potential. My mom insists that they rarely have time to relax, play with friends or simply enjoy being children. Recently, I've noticed that my kids sometimes complain about their packed schedules, but I see it as teaching them discipline and time management. I don't want to look back and feel that I didn't do enough to prepare them for the future. How can I help my children succeed without making them feel overwhelmed, and how do I get my mom to respect my parenting decisions? -- Is It Too Much?
DEAR IS IT TOO MUCH?: There may be a middle ground to find -- filling the twins' schedules with organized, expansive activities and building in free time and space for fun. Look at the calendar and identify something that can end. Take a poll. Ask your kids what they would let go if they had the choice. Listen. Then act. Parenting is about constant balancing. If your twins feel that you are listening to them, they will respect you.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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