Partner Needs Space From Boyfriend After Moving In
DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been almost two months since my boyfriend and I moved in together. He's lived with romantic partners in the past, but this is my first rodeo, and I'm struggling to adjust. It's not anything that he does -- except for the fact that he looks forward to being with me every day, every night, every morning, every meal ...
I feel awful not appreciating that I have an attentive partner who is happy to be in the next phase of our relationship, but honestly, I am used to waking up alone and coming home to an empty house after a hard day. I love that I now have the option to vent or hug it out with my boyfriend, but I wish I also had the option of being alone in my own home. He and I have discussed our future together at length, and I love him dearly, but I know he can feel my discomfort. I don't want him to worry about how I am feeling or think that I've changed my mind, but I don't know how to share what's going on without sounding selfish. How do I move forward? -- Together Forever
DEAR TOGETHER FOREVER: Take a deep breath and think about what you need in order to feel comfortable in this relationship. He obviously wants to be physically together -- closely -- when you are in the same place; you need some alone time. There's no way for him to know that unless you tell him. Let him know the rhythms of your life. If you like to be quiet in the mornings before talking, tell him. If you need an hour of downtime after work to decompress by yourself, tell him. Be up-front about what makes you comfortable. Find a nook in your home, even if it's a tiny area, to call your own where you can be by yourself.
Be sure to assure him that you want to live with him, but this is new for you, and you need to figure out how to be comfortable. He may come to love having alone time, too!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've noticed that I sometimes have a hard time distinguishing between genuine romantic interest and the excitement of being wanted. I can be perfectly happy on my own, but the moment someone starts showing me attention, I find myself thinking about them constantly. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm actually interested in the person or just in the way their attention makes me feel. I want to experience a healthy relationship, but I'm worried that my desire for validation is clouding my judgment. How do I learn to recognize the difference between genuine connection and wanting to feel chosen? -- Looking for Love
DEAR LOOKING FOR LOVE: Make a list of qualities that you desire in a partner. If you could have anything you want, what would it be? What values does your future partner have? What goals does that person hold dear? How does your partner talk to you? Address and resolve conflict? Engage with your friends?
Think about all of these things so that when you start talking to someone, you notice if the person matches your interests. Sure, being liked is wonderful, but a sustainable relationship survives when two people share values, goals, dreams and commitment.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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