New Relationship Brings Looming Panic
DEAR HARRIETTE: For the first time in a long time, I am in a steady romantic relationship. I haven't done much dating since my last relationship four years ago. I've been dating this current guy for three months. At first, I was a bit skeptical, but I have since warmed up to him, so much so that my friends have noticed an undeniable difference in my demeanor. While I do enjoy the bond we are building, I still find myself being quite defensive and feeling skeptical about this romance. I am 39, and my friends keep reminding me to "try to enjoy it," "let your guard down" and "don't push him away." Although it feels like they're saying I'm the problem, they seem to be very happy for me and my new beau. Despite how happy I am with him, I still feel this looming panic about what comes next or how things will turn out. How do I heal my skepticism and anxiety? I don't want it to seep into my new relationship and ruin a good thing before it truly starts. -- Old Habits
DEAR OLD HABITS: It is still early in your relationship, so try to relax and get to know this person. Think about what you like about him. Don't be afraid to speak up to say what interests you and also what doesn't. For example, if you aren't interested in some of his hobbies, you can say so. If you like one type of cuisine over another, encourage trying out your preferences even as you also consider his.
Bigger than that, though, talk about values and desires. What do you want in life ultimately? Do you want to have a casual companion? Would you want to get married? Do you want children? Be open about your long-term desires. If your goals and dreams don't match, don't waste each other's time.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone who's been flirtatious with me via social media for some time now finally mustered up the courage to send me a formal pitch of why he's interested and why he'd like my phone number. I was flattered. Since then, we've hung out once at an event where he was working. At the end of that night, he invited me to another work event he had coming up. I shared that I'd like to spend time with him outside of work. A week or two went by and I'd barely heard from him, so I sent a text to see how he was doing. His responses were lackluster, so I decided to get straight to the point and asked if he intended to see me again. He responded, "It depends." A few days passed and he asked why I never texted back. I explained that I did not want to make time for someone who had no intentions of making time for me. He replied with a brutal message calling me self-centered, spoiled and egotistical. Did I do something wrong? -- High Standards
DEAR HIGH STANDARDS: You two are clearly not in sync. Who knows why he reacted so strongly, but consider it a sign for you to move on.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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