ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out shopping yesterday, and I ended up in a huge fight with my husband -- but not for the reasons you think. My husband started a new job recently. His previous job called for him to be in a uniform almost always, but this new role calls for business casual attire. Based on what I've been seeing him put on in his first few weeks, I thought he could use a few new shirts to pair with his new job. Instead of criticizing him or mentioning that some of his business casual wear looked a bit old or worn out, I thought I was being thoughtful by simply shopping for him and giving him some other options. He snapped. Without even telling him why I bought the new shirts, he accused me of treating him like he's dingy or unkempt.

My husband fancies himself a minimalist of sorts, and he said that he does not need me buying him all these clothes or using him as an excuse to keep up my shopping habit. I thought I was doing a nice thing, but somehow, we've both ended up offended. And somehow, I think returning the shirts will reflect poorly on me. Was I wrong? -- New Shirts

DEAR NEW SHIRTS: Rather than returning the shirts, sit down with your husband after you have cooled off and ask him to listen to you for a minute. Tell him you are sorry that you offended him -- that was furthest from your mind. Note that you realized he didn't have to dress in business casual clothes before because of his previous job, and you thought you would help him by buying a few pieces that might be more in line with his new workplace. Even though he doesn't have a specific uniform now, a dress code is still an implied uniform, and he should have fresh things to wear so that he looks professional and in line with his co-workers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding the letter from "Don't Monitor Me," you were correct that a person's boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't have the right to track their location. Perhaps if someone had a job that kept them out late or took them to dangerous places, they might want to designate a trusted friend or family member to be able to locate them in an emergency, but it isn't necessary.

We all need to remember that tracking via smartphones is a very, very recent technology, and that for millennia, there was no way to monitor a person's location electronically, yet society somehow functioned just fine.

In our family, my unmarried adult daughter -- who sometimes works nights -- voluntarily gave my husband the ability to track her phone, just to ease our minds. She knows that I am an anxious person who sometimes needs reassurance of her safety, but we all agree that I don't need the temptation to freely track her movements. Her father is much more laid-back and won't abuse the privilege. We are all happy with the arrangement, which was her idea.

Phone tracking is a useful tool, but personal boundaries are necessary and should be respected. -- Good Decision

DEAR GOOD DECISION: Thanks for sharing your family's compromise. Everybody needs to figure out what works for them.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

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