ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. Most of the time, he is a really great guy. He takes me out on thoughtful dates and is a great communicator. However, sometimes when I ask him to do a small favor for me such as opening a pickle jar that's too hard for me to get or get me a glass of water, he will blow up at me. He starts yelling that I can't do anything for myself and how entitled I am. I feel so hurt by this because when you love somebody, little favors like this shouldn't be an issue.

What confuses me is that these reactions come completely out of nowhere. Most days he is kind and attentive, and he goes out of his way to make me feel cared for. That is why it is so shocking when something as simple as asking for help triggers such an intense response. I am not asking him to do everything for me, nor do I expect him to wait on me. These are occasional favors that I would gladly do for him if the situation were reversed. The first few times it happened, I brushed it off and assumed he was having a bad day. Everyone gets stressed or frustrated sometimes. Now that it has happened multiple times, I am starting to notice a pattern. Do you think that this is a red flag and that I should break up with him because it could turn into more aggressive behavior as our relationship develops? -- Triggered

DEAR TRIGGERED: Ask your boyfriend about growing up and what the dynamics were like between his parents in his home (or between the people who cared for him). My guess is that he observed his father having a short fuse with his mom that triggers a dramatic reaction in him now with you. Do your best to find out about the relationship dynamics that he witnessed as a child. Then, in a calm moment, tell him how you feel about his reaction to you when you ask him for help. Let him know that you find it unreasonable and extreme. See if you can talk through your values on this and come to a peaceful resolution.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was dating this guy last year, and we had a really nice time. Something happened and we had an argument, and he ghosted me. He literally blocked me on social media. That hurt my feelings terribly. I went about my life, but I have continued to see him here and there because he lives in my neighborhood. I saw him the other day and got so excited. I know I shouldn't, but I'm genuinely attracted to him. I called him, but it went to voicemail, and he sent me an automatic message to call back later. Should I try him again? Something in me wants to see him. Maybe it will be different now that time has passed. -- Unghost Me

DEAR UNGHOST ME: No. He couldn't be clearer. He doesn't want to communicate with you. Let him go.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole

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