Husband Pressures Wife To Have Fourth Baby
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are in a standoff right now regarding children. We already have three kids, but he wants one more. I told him that I don't have the physical or mental capacity to take care of another child. My body has already gone through so much from my first three births; I can't imagine having another child, especially now that I'm almost in my 40s. Not only that, but a lot of the care of the children falls on me, even with me working full time. My husband does help, but he doesn't shoulder the same responsibilities as me when it comes to our children. I am the one scheduling doctor appointments, keeping track of school events, arranging childcare, buying clothes when the kids outgrow them and making sure everyone's needs are met. When one of the children is sick, I am usually the one taking time off work.
I am getting frustrated because he won't stop pushing me to have another kid even though I already set the boundary. He says I am shutting down the discussion before he has a chance to make his case, while I feel like my answer should be enough when I am the one whose body would have to go through another pregnancy. How can I get my husband to stop asking me to have another baby? -- No More Kids
DEAR NO MORE KIDS: Make a list of the responsibilities involved in childcare, similar to what you listed here. Write them down and present to your husband. Ask him what, among them, he is willing to take on full time. Point out that your hands are full already, and you don't have the capacity to take care of another child. If he has not been willing to step up to help more with the kids you have, why would you think he'd start with the fourth?
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been together for five years and married for one. After dating for about eight months, I moved in with him because my lease was up and I was spending most of my time there anyway. Things felt comfortable, and we never addressed moving out. Now that we are planning our 30s, we are realizing we may outgrow a two-bedroom apartment. However, the question of what comes next is the challenge. I'm more interested in a condo with more rooms and space for an office. My partner prefers a traditional house with a backyard. Finding a way to compromise is difficult because our ideas are so different. What are some places you think we should start to find middle ground? -- Where To Go From Here?
DEAR WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?: Engage a Realtor who can show you a range of properties across your interests. There may be a traditional house with a backyard and an extra bedroom for an office, for example. Or there may be a condo apartment building in a more suburban setting that has access to a park or playground. A townhouse may be a good compromise for you two. Start exploring options in different neighborhoods so that you can discover what you like. There are so many choices. Get excited about seeing them.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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