College Student Getting Mixed Signals While Dating
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am new to dating and honestly feel at a loss. I'm a male college student who has never had a real relationship. I feel like I let things slide in the pursuit of forming a relationship, and I end up getting hurt.
I'm currently seeing this boy who I am head over heels for, but he says one thing and does another. The last time we hung out, he planned our future together, but then he told me he could never see himself marrying another boy. I know it's crazy to be upset about that if we're not even dating, but it seems weird for him to say it. When we were saying goodbye, he initiated plans for us to see each other again, but he hasn't brought it up since. He went two days without responding to my texts, but he is still interacting with me on social media. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals, and don't know what to do. I really do like him, but I love me. I will always put myself first and don't want to get hurt. Do you think I should try talking with him to see where he sees this going, or should I drop him? -- Dating Is Confusing
DEAR DATING IS CONFUSING: It sounds like this young man is not ready for commitment. Even more, he seems to be struggling with his sexuality and whether to allow himself to fully engage with having a male partner. That is much bigger than you and your desire to be in a relationship. Likely it will take time -- years, even -- for him to reconcile who he is and what life he wants to lead. He dreams about the future with you but is far from ready to put down roots.
Know that and act accordingly. Enjoy his company if you can, but do not expect him to make a commitment. He has told you that he can't.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm working on a project that is incredibly frustrating. My manager is lazy and hasn't completed her part of a major assignment. When we go over the progress as a team, all of us witness her fumbling because she isn't prepared. It's embarrassing and it wastes time. We have to sit through meetings where she is playing catch-up while the rest of us are waiting for her to get up to speed. Team members are losing respect for her. Is there anything I can say as the most senior member of the group to help her be more proactive? -- Unfocused
DEAR UNFOCUSED: Pull your manager aside and tell her that you are concerned that the team is losing morale. Point out that it seems that she has been unprepared at recent meetings, and that has caused frustration. Suggest that she do whatever she can to be on top of the work so that the team doesn't lose confidence in her.
If she pushes back or acts insulted, assure her that you are only telling her this because you have witnessed grumbling from the team and want to protect her.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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