ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a tiny house, so I enjoy hosting dinner parties al fresco in my backyard. I recently invited guests to dine when the weather was lovely, 75 degrees with a soft breeze.

During the first course, a bumblebee flew over the table and then moved on. One of my guests announced, "There are bees out here," picked up her plate, and went inside the house. Her husband followed her.

Before I could think of what to do, my other guests stood, took their plates, and went inside, with one saying, "Well, I guess we have to go in now." We finished the meal in my living room with plates balanced precariously on our laps.

I have known this woman for 15 years and know she is not allergic to bees. Her husband told me as they left that she was just having a bad day.

To what extent should a hostess accommodate these concerns -- or quirks? I didn't want her to eat alone, but it seemed to me she disrupted the party. What would you advise in this situation?

GENTLE READER: The real question is not who is to blame. Though if it were, Miss Manners votes for, in order: the bee; the guest who stood up after your friend, as being the person who likely precipitated the group decision to decamp; and the friend's husband, on grounds of general ineptitude.

The real question is: What could you have done about it?

You cannot require guests to remain someplace they feel threatened, but you can persuade -- which might have been sufficient in a situation that sounds to have been more Follow-the-Leader than thought-through.

You might have instead stood immediately, offered to take your friend inside and then attempted to clear out the bee (singular), telling everyone else they were welcome to remain outside -- but that they could go in, if they needed to. That might have been enough to stop the mass ingress.

You could have then set your friend up indoors and check on her periodically, in between rounds of improvising a bee-clearing dance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to invite a new friend to dinner at my house, but I haven't yet because I'm nervous that my chairs might not support him. I saw a dining chair collapse under a guest at my mother's house once, and the image really stuck with me.

My new friend is a mountain of a man -- over 6'6" and burly. I have heard him mention things that are too small for him, like seats at a certain theater. Apart from replacing my dining chairs, is there a polite way to approach this?

GENTLE READER: The situation you are dreading is novel for you, but it is very familiar for him. Find or acquire at least one chair that you are sure will accommodate him and, when the time comes, say at the outset that you think he might be most comfortable in this location.

Miss Manners thinks she needs hardly add that this must be done gracefully, drawing as little attention as possible to what you are doing. Your friend will understand and be as grateful for your gracefulness as for your making him comfortable.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN