Please, No More Stuff
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating a wonderful man for a couple of years. He has generously given me several gifts, but I have found most of them to be kitschy and I don't really want them in my house. I'm trying to minimalize my home environment, and I'm getting rid of things instead of adding more. I have displayed some of his gifts in my home to show appreciation, while a few other things are sitting in my garage.
How can I politely convey to him that I prefer to personally curate what is in my house? I know he thinks he's being thoughtful, but there's too much in my home already.
GENTLE READER: If most of his gifts end up in the garage, he is going to figure it out -- or maybe not, if this has been going on for two years. Criticizing gifts is unmannerly, and while one is not generally allowed to expect gifts, the rule can be bent in the case of romantic partners. Suggest that it would be lovely if, for future birthdays, he instead gave you a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant: You would then have a memory to treasure instead of just another thing.
If that is not precisely what you want, Miss Manners will leave you to substitute both the correct alternative and the cliche to sell it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a "gringo" who has learned Spanish. I've been a fluent speaker for over 30 years. I use the language professionally, and work in a field where I have the opportunity to speak it on a daily basis. I am as comfortable reading, speaking and writing in the language as I am in English.
Over the years, I have received many genuine compliments from native speakers who are surprised and pleased by my language skills. However, I occasionally encounter folks who take a much more condescending approach.
They make comments on how nice it is that I want to "practice" with them, or how "cute" it is that I speak "a little Spanish." I have had several people speak past me to talk instead to my wife, a native Spanish speaker.
I find this behavior quite insulting, and I would never behave this way towards a non-native English speaker if our roles were reversed. I have struggled to find a graceful way to respond.
How can I politely and gracefully let these "maleducados" know that their condescension is unappreciated?
GENTLE READER: To embarrass them thoroughly requires only an assist from your wife -- and the maleducados themselves.
Each time they address themselves to her, she should respond, but then draw you back into the conversation. If you are interesting, charming and fluent -- all while displaying absolutely no reaction to their condescending comments about your Spanish -- they will forget their imagined conviction that you do not speak the language, and instead be drawn into the conversation.
If the evening does not end with them apologizing for their earlier comments, you will still have enjoyed yourself -- and you and your wife can have a private laugh at their expense on the way home.
========
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
Comments