Don't Bite The Hand That Files Your Taxes
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer at a center that provides free tax prep for seniors. I am the greeter, and am really tired of people's arrogant and rude behavior to me.
I have received rude and nasty remarks from way too many clients. And this year, I've been told, "Get on your feet, honey," and "This is women's work" when asking people to fill out a required form.
Please help me deal with this issue. Why people think it is OK to behave so rudely to a volunteer -- not that people should be rude to anyone -- is confounding.
GENTLE READER: It is counterintuitive, as well: Since this is a free service, they need you more than you do them.
Etiquette does not require you to tolerate such behavior, Miss Manner assures you. A shocked "I beg your pardon?" is warranted, as well as the polite suggestion that if these offenders are unable to perform the necessary tasks without insult, they may want to look elsewhere for their services.
Whether or not you get on your feet to help them is up to you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I've noticed a lot of my friends REALLY want to visit my house. They tell me all the time, and some even invite themselves over.
I've never experienced anything like this before. My home is nothing special, but I get the feeling that my friends think it's a magical place.
For background, I'm a crafty person, and a bit of a social butterfly. Over the last few months, I've made a major effort to combat my loneliness: being more friendly, building relationships and relearning the in-person social skills that have eroded in the internet age.
For these reasons, I think my friends are under the impression that my home is an extension of the welcoming, comforting vibe I try to foster as a person. They think they'll find a fun, creative and colorful theme park, instead of a 370-square-foot studio apartment with bare walls and a bunch of clutter.
I love my apartment; I'm proud of living within my humble means. I want to have a friend or two over every so often, and can handle an occasional relaxed visit, but I want it to be on my terms. Right now, I feel like the expectation is that I provide some sort of immersive and social media-worthy pop-up experience that my friends should have access to on demand. In reality, all I have is a quiet, cozy home for one, which I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of.
I'm on the verge of just making the place as messy and disgusting as possible, then throwing a party to nip the whole thing in the bud, but I'm wondering if Miss Manners might have a better solution. Maybe one involving manners?
GENTLE READER: Yes, that would be preferable to a disgusting apartment meant to deter the friends you have worked so hard to procure.
Since you stated that you do not mind having one or two over, why not start with that? Invite them individually, over time. If your apartment is as unimpressive as you say, Miss Manners is sure that word will spread. Better that than germs.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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