Is This An 'if You're On Time, You're Late' Thing?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am confused on the proper time to arrive at an event or social function, whether in private homes or public venues.
When attending an event like a concert, play, church service or something else in a public space, I understand the announced time is when the event starts, and that you should arrive early enough to be in your seats before then.
But at a private event in someone's home or elsewhere, I do not understand when you should arrive. I have gone to bridge club meetings, book clubs and dinner parties where people arrive 10-15 minutes before the stated time. I feel like this can be an inconvenience to the host or hostess.
I am very conscientious about being on time, and yet I am often the last one to arrive at these functions. I went to a tea at a church recently, arrived about 5 minutes before the start time, and everyone was already seated.
Please help me understand the distinctions so I can handle these events better.
GENTLE READER: It sounds as if your town is in need of traffic snarls.
Not that Miss Manners is excusing those who burst into dinner parties after the roast has been ruined -- along with the other guests' attitudes, most likely -- and then blame it on traffic. But showing up when the hosts are in their bathrobes is generally not appreciated, either. Nor does she condone the practice ridiculously called "fashionably late."
Club meetings, even sociable ones, are supposed to start at the hour named. But for purely social gatherings, the sweet spot is after the hosts have attended to the last-minute tasks and before they start to wonder whether they mixed up the dates and will have to eat all the food themselves. That would be on the hour or up to 15 minutes after.
That your circle behaves differently is odd. Did they all go to the same school, where entering class while the bell was ringing was considered tardy? Did the local watchmaker retire?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm serving a cold soup at a dinner party using the two-handled cold soup bowls that are part of my set of Minton china. Should we drink the soup or use spoons?
My soup spoons happen to be rather large, and these bowls are rather small. If we don't drink the soup, would teaspoons do, as I have no smaller soup spoons?
GENTLE READER: As if Miss Manners does not get enough shock waves when she mentions that asparagus is traditionally a finger food. She can imagine the faces of the other guests watching someone drinking directly from the cup.
You should provide whichever of your spoons will make the least mess. And be prepared to defend anyone who just drinks by saying, "Well, why do you think they have two handles?"
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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