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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a former colleague for a weekend. Like any proud grandmother, she wished to show me a video of her granddaughters singing, to which I happily consented.

I was less pleased, however, when my houseguest proceeded to scroll endlessly through her phone during our simple repast at the dinner table, searching for a specific video to show me. After being shown several videos, only to be told, "Oh, no, it's not that one," I gently suggested that it might be easier to search for and enjoy the correct video after we had finished our dinner.

My guest assured me she would certainly find the video very shortly. I sat patiently through several other videos, which she showed me from her phone propped up by a water glass.

This woman comes from a politically prominent family and has travelled widely. She is often admired for her good taste. I was nonplussed that she did not catch the meaning of my gentle redirection.

Is there a polite way to ask a houseguest who is oblivious to a polite suggestion to cease and desist questionable table manners?

GENTLE READER: Better judgment may vanish when one becomes a grandparent. How else do you explain the gaudy toys and sugar binges that were strictly prohibited from one's own children?

Grandparents cannot be expected to show polite restraint. All you can do in a situation such as yours is to repeat the request to finish the task later, make a show of putting your own phone away or say that dinner is getting cold.

But Miss Manners congratulates you on using the word "nonplussed" correctly. May you take comfort in that while you silently seethe at all the videos you were forced to watch.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During several recent doctor visits, my "quiet" stay in the waiting room was disturbed by rude people dictating text messages out loud. The words were bad enough, but they also had to add the punctuation as they dictated.

As a former English teacher, am I equally as rude by correcting their grammar in front of the other patients in the waiting room? Or are they fair game, since they infringed on others' air space?

GENTLE READER: Not equally rude. Somehow even more so.

As Miss Manners' gentle readers well know, one does not reciprocate bad manners. And between talking too loud and publicly correcting someone's grammar, the latter is the greater offense. No matter how good the syntax with which it is uttered.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my neighbors, a semi-sweet lady, has a Pomeranian that barks at everything and oftentimes nothing at all. This neighbor invited me to pet her dog and was offended when I declined.

What's a good way to let pet owners know I am not a kindred spirit?

GENTLE READER: Lest your neighbor deem you "unsweetened," Miss Manners suggests you come up with a viable excuse. Perhaps, "Oh, thank you, but my hands are dirty," which all hands not freshly washed may be assumed to be. (Note that saying, "I just washed them, so I'd better not," would not have the same effect.)

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN