Over-Invite At Your Own Risk
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to invite more people to your wedding than may be accommodated, on the theory that inevitably some invitees will decline? Does it matter whether the limit is set by law, venue policy or logistical necessity?
GENTLE READER: How much of a gambler are you?
Most people invite more people than they expect to accept because, unless you are hosting an all-expenses paid wedding in Venice, someone is going to decline.
But once you have invited people, you are stuck with them. That is the rock.
The hard place is that neither the law nor the venue will be moved by the fact that you invited more people than can be accommodated. Not knowing exactly what you mean by "logistical necessity," it is harder for Miss Manners to evaluate its elasticity.
Assuming you fit within the law and the venue requirements, you will know better than Miss Manners if the guests will mind being packed in close enough that they have to be careful not to spill soup on one another -- they're your family and friends.
This is why the A and B lists were invented.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live on a cul-de-sac. Our backyard faces a busy two-lane road with no sidewalk. A state-owned dune separates the road from our backyard. I built a makeshift path over that dune, which affords me quick access to a bus stop about half a mile away.
On two occasions, I was informed by guests staying in our house that a stranger (I'm assuming it's the same person) was spotted using the path, and, subsequently, our backyard. Should that person have knocked on our door to ask for permission? Whoever he is, he probably lives nearby.
GENTLE READER: On the subject of invisible boundary lines, you have crossed one of particular interest to Miss Manners, in this case the delineation between etiquette and law.
Lawyers and town councilors will talk about public easements and your right to restrict access. If you are asking about the etiquette, you apparently do not mind the occasional visitor, so long as proper respect is shown you.
A neighbor should be possible to spot and intercept with a personal greeting. This will give you an opportunity to say how you love sitting out on your lawn with a book, and them the chance to thank you (or rethink) their passing through.
This is less obtrusive than posting a sign at the property line -- and much less annoying than having the person come even further onto the property to ring the doorbell, which you will then have to answer. Or, if this is too much trouble, you can just forget about it.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am living in in the U.S. while my remaining family lives in Germany. One brother comes to visit once a year. He insists on sleeping on the couch. I have a guest room, but he says he can't sleep without a TV on.
What can I do?
GENTLE READER: Move the television into the guest room while your brother is in residence, or walk very quietly through the living room, Miss Manners would think.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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