ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had arranged with our son and daughter-in-law to babysit their 1- and 4-year-olds so they could go to an out-of-town concert, being gone for two nights. Three days before we were to arrive, the 4-year-old got sick and they took him to urgent care.

He continued to get worse, and the doctor sent them to the children's hospital for tests. He was still quite sick the day before we were to arrive, and the doctors were still not sure what was up. They wanted to see him in the office the next day, when the parents would be gone, so we would have to take him.

We are in our 70s and have some health issues, and we were uncomfortable being with, and caring for, a sick child. We told our son we did not feel comfortable caring for the child and meeting with the doctor to go over test results.

We backed out and they missed the concert. Our son is now not speaking to us. Who, if anyone, is overreacting here?

GENTLE READER: Wait -- how is the child?

Miss Manners doesn't even know him, and she is deeply worried about him, while his nearest relatives are squabbling over a missed concert.

Are you monsters?

The answer to who should have been on duty is: everybody! A seriously sick child is a family emergency. Someone needs to be with the child -- not just to transport him, but to comfort him. Someone needs to keep up with the doctors' reports and instructions, and pick up any medicines that may be prescribed. Someone needs to run the household, making sure that everyone gets sufficient food and rest. And, by the way, someone needs to look after the 1-year-old.

Here is what no one has to do: Go to a concert. Engage in hostilities. Shun family members or accuse them of overreacting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have blotches on my skin, which I am doing my best to alleviate. My doctor has helped me to the best of her ability, and I have seen specialists. My condition isn't communicable in any way, but it is visible on my arms and legs, and I can't always wear clothing that covers it completely.

People (both those I know and strangers alike) are always telling me their remedies. Some hand me products they recommend and then ask me later how often I have used them and if they are working.

I also sunburn. I once had a conversation that went like this: "Oh, did you get poison ivy?" she asked.

"No, it's a sunburn; that's why I wore long sleeves today."

"Really? 'Cause it looks horrible."

"... Thanks!" I replied.

I am unable to communicate how little I want to discuss it any further. I don't know how to get away from it. Miss Manners, I understand that skin is on the outside, but I am contemplating becoming a hermit.

GENTLE READER: These people would then come to your hermitage to suggest an alternative.

To your understandable "thanks" at being insulted, Miss Manners suggests you add, "Thank you for your advice, but I get professional care."

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN