Private Property Badly Needs A Fence
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The 4th of July is quickly approaching. Every year, due to my home being in close proximity to the city's fireworks display, I am bombarded with uninvited visitors. I do invite some friends over, but I spend the evening chasing trespassers off my property.
How do I politely tell people in advance that I do not want smoking or alcoholic beverages on my property? The smoking is just because I don't like the habit. The alcohol is because my teen invites friends over, and I also do not want the responsibility for people overdoing it. In the past, people have just shown up with whole coolers of beer without asking.
GENTLE READER: Do you have a fence? Apparently you need one, with a specific entrance. And at that entrance, you seem to need a bouncer.
This need not be a burly bully who sizes up wardrobes and coiffures to decide who would best decorate your party. Miss Manners suggests that you ask for teenaged volunteers to rotate manning the gate and saying politely, "I'm sorry; this is a private party," "Please leave your liquor in your car" and "This is a no-smoking area."
This may require some rehearsals, but surely the bragging rights of having been bouncers will compensate them for doing this duty.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are so many etiquette rules stifling the truth. You're not allowed to say that you had a terrible time at a party, that someone is ugly, that you hated a gift, etc.
Don't you believe in free speech?
GENTLE READER: Of course Miss Manners, an American and a journalist, believes in free speech. She also believes in having the good sense to realize that you don't always need to exercise it. And that is because she also believes in maintaining the peace.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often socialize with a married couple I have known for a few years. They are lovely people, but both of them have a habit I'm not fond of.
Whenever I'm alone with one of them, they complain incessantly about their spouse. Once, the wife proceeded to inform me of an argument they'd had just before I got to their home, while the husband was walking in and out of the room and undoubtedly could hear her.
I was too embarrassed to tell her to stop and just sat looking like a deer caught in headlights, hoping the husband knew I had not solicited the information in the first place.
I think that what goes on in a marriage should be kept between the spouses, not aired out to friends and acquaintances. How do I politely say I would prefer not to hear the details of their marriage without giving offense?
GENTLE READER: "I'm sorry to hear this. You know I'm so fond of you both. But I should warn you that I have trouble keeping secrets -- I figure that if people tell me something personal, they don't care if it gets around."
========
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
Comments