ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in a medical office waiting room while my husband was having a test done. I was the only one sitting in the waiting room initially, until another person arrived. She had her cellphone on, and was watching a program when she walked in the facility. No one was at the front desk at the time of her arrival.

The volume was very loud, and all that could be heard was one profanity after another. After a few minutes, I asked her if she had headphones, because the program was so loud and offensive.

She said she did not, and continued to listen, making no attempt to turn it down.

I told her it was inconsiderate of her to play this type of program in a waiting room. She then threatened to "beat me up if I didn't shut the f--- up."

I told her I would call 911 if that was her intention, and she then backed off.

I know you're probably saying I should have just ignored her, but something in me would not let me. I feel we have allowed all decency to be slowly eradicated from our society and if people don't start saying something, we will be lost.

Businesses need to implement policies that require headphones with the use of cellphones in their offices. No one should be subject to listening to the most degrading and profane words that now seem popular with some people.

GENTLE READER: If only Miss Manners had put in earplugs -- or rather, put on an eye shade -- before she saw this.

But she is sadly familiar with a pattern practiced by ordinary citizens, supposedly just going about their business:

1. Someone behaves with a blatant lack of consideration for others.

2. Someone else scolds the offender.

3. The offender threatens violence.

4. The offended threatens to call the police.

And oh, yes, there is another:

5. One or both of them invokes the noble name of etiquette, claiming to be enforcing proper behavior.

Miss Manners is not grateful for the assistance. But neither does she agree that suffering rudeness is the only alternative. Even if there was no one at the desk, you could have found someone in authority to deal with this. Or you could have waited for your husband elsewhere, sending him a text on where to find you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love eating cherries, but how can I eat them without offending anyone by spitting out the stones?

GENTLE READER: Well, you could swallow them, but Miss Manners does not advise this. When you were a child, surely someone told you that this would make a cherry tree grow in your tummy.

It is the spitting part, which suggests propelling it out, along with some noise and saliva, which can be offensive. Instead, push the pit forward with your tongue and quietly deposit it in your hand or, better, a napkin if you are fortunate enough to have one within reach.

Then what? Ashtrays have disappeared, so if there is no used plate around, into your pocket they go -- offending only yourself or whoever does your laundry.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN