We Have So Many Questions
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was a single mom in my 40s with a preteen child. After eight years of not dating, I met a man through my CB radio community whom I took a good liking to.
We spent eight months getting to know each other and he never hinted that he was homeless, nor that he had learning disabilities. He lived across the country and never asked me for anything.
I decided I would like to share my life with him. He literally rode an adult tricycle 1,500 miles to me and married me before even coming in the house.
I'm extremely happy. It's been five months and we're doing well, but when others hear of our meeting, they act confused. How should I react?
GENTLE READER: If you feel like answering any clarifying questions (Miss Manners has a few herself), you may, of course. But it is not a requirement.
If others have your best interests at heart and see that you are happy, they should be happy, too. Now about that tricycle ...
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We bought a house with new floors and new carpet. It seems awkward to ask guests to take their shoes off, but I would really like them to. Some people offer right away, but it still seems awkward.
How do I address this without coming off as rude? I don't include elderly guests on this issue.
GETNLE READER: Why? Because they keep their shoes cleaner? No, more likely because keeping one's shoes on is safer and more dignified -- conditions that non-elderly people appreciate as well.
Miss Manners therefore encourages you to invest in good carpet- and floor-cleaners and take your chances with your guests -- whose comfort and safety should be more important than your floors. She is aware, however, that this is an unpopular opinion, so if you must, she will allow you to put out slippers and bootees for encouragement -- as long as that encouragement is not verbalized.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: You advised a reader that not even the weather is a safe conversation topic nowadays, since it may get into climate change. And asking about accents or last names can be fraught, since it may be taken as -- or may really be -- a form of othering. ("You're not from here, are you?")
Can you advise someone like me, who has training in linguistics and who genuinely enjoys hearing a variety of accents and names? I have no trouble asking native speakers of English, "Where did you grow up? I noticed how you pronounced (word)." But with foreign accents -- many of which I can place, but not all -- it's different and risks being off-putting.
GENTLE READER: It will come as a shock to you, but it is not the job of your acquaintances to supplement your linguistics education. Miss Manners finds it amusing that she repeatedly gets asked this question by people whose reasoning is that they really want to know. Oh, well, in that case ...
Nevertheless, she has recently heard a decent compromise with the question, "Where do you call home?" This leaves it up to the recipient to determine whether they want to cite their current home or their birthplace, if those are different. But Miss Manners issues the condition that there be no follow-up questions if you get an unexpected answer.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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