Won't You Be Someone Else's Neighbor?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A neighbor of ours would repeatedly ask my wife and me to watch his house, feed his fish and water his plants (inside and outside) when he was away. And the requests keep getting bigger: collect his mail, watch out for a UPS package, water his tomatoes.
In the latest episode, he stated that he would give us the keys at 7:30 on a particular evening, but showed up 2 1/2 hours late. I took the keys and he quickly showed me what needed to be done. He was in a rush as he was about to leave town.
After three weeks of me doing his chores, he returned -- and he was mad. He tersely told us in front of at least one other neighbor that his bedroom door was wide open when he returned home, and that he had had it almost closed.
I told him that since we had his house's front door open during our visits, perhaps the change in air pressure forced the upstairs door open. We are not snoopers and did not go where we were not supposed to.
He also told my wife that his antique table (which had a plant on it) had gotten wet and was ruined. He never told us that it was antique.
Now the tension between us is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Should we just let it go? Or should we tell him that we are not his maid and butler, and that he, in his early 40s, needs to take more responsibility for himself?
GENTLE READER: As the choice you are offering is letting it go or making the situation worse, Miss Manners will, of course, pick the former.
But do not worry: You will get the last word the next time your neighbor wants to leave town and needs someone to watch the house. You can then -- with infinite politeness -- apologize and say you think it will be better for neighborly harmony if he finds someone who can do the work to his satisfaction.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am unclear about the etiquette for placing buffet tongs down after using them.
Like 10% to 15% of the population, I am left-handed. Most often, buffet tongs are turned with the handle facing right and I have to turn them around. What is the proper etiquette for this situation?
GENTLE READER: Don't splash anyone when you throw them in the bouillabaisse?
Miss Manners has some very near and dear relatives who are left-handed, but if you are suggesting that they are being discriminated against, she cannot see how. If right-handed and left-handed people naturally place the tongs back in ways that are mutually (and very mildly) inconvenient, then the inconvenience is as fair as one can make it. The 10% to 15% of left-handers have a 10% to 15% chance of having been preceded in line by a left-hander, while the right-handers ... well, you get the idea.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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