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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I were spending time with an old, close, female friend of his. He noticed she was cold and offered his jacket to her. She wore his jacket for the rest of the evening.

He's a kind, faithful man who always looks out for others, and I know his intentions were noble; he truly just wanted to help his friend when he saw her shivering.

While I'm proud to be marrying such a kind man, I couldn't help but feel a tad embarrassed. I've always felt this was an intimate gesture between romantic couples -- to be wrapped in a jacket that carries the warmth and scent of your beau. Pop culture seems to have ingrained it in my head that wearing a man's clothing (such as a letterman jacket in high school, or his favorite hoodie after staying over at his place) is a privilege reserved for romantic partners only.

Since this was my first time meeting her, it also left me with a less-than-favorable impression that she should accept the jacket and wear it in front of me. On the other hand, I can understand the clear practicality of wanting your friend to be comfortable. I'm not above admitting that I might just need to take the gesture at face value and try not to read too much into it.

So am I being overly sensitive, or is this slightly crossing the line? In the future, should he offer? Should she (or any other woman) accept?

GENTLE READER: Please deal with this before you are married. And Miss Manners does not mean you should continue to criticize a kind man for being kind, and to monitor and restrict his friendships.

This is your problem, not his. Surely you do not want to alert him that you will be evaluating his every trivial gesture for suspicion of disloyalty.

We are supposed to be beyond the era when it was assumed that there could be only one relationship between men and women, and therefore any claims to friendship are a cover-up.

Do some abuse this trust? Sure. But you have strong evidence that he is not in love with this person he has known for years. He engaged himself to you, expecting you to join the friendship -- which is what you should try to do.

What would have been rude of her would have been to say, "Oh, no, I can't accept this. Not in front of your fiancee."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I dine at a restaurant and use a knife to cut my meat, I don't know what to do when I later want to butter a roll. Many places don't provide a separate butter knife, and the dinner knife has pieces of meat or sauce on it, which I don't want on my roll. What am I supposed to do?

GENTLE READER: Ask the server for another knife. Contrary to popular belief, it is the restaurant's job to provide proper utensils for eating, not the customer's responsibility to figure out how to do without.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN