ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Help! The summer concert season will soon be here in full force, and many musical groups have outdoor performances planned. At many such events in the past, people seated near me have talked throughout the concert. Do they really think that I enjoy hearing them talk through the musical numbers?

Once, a group of six people chose one of the few permanent picnic tables in the concert bowl area. Hundreds of people sat on benches nearby, with another 100 or so on lawn chairs. These six got out their food and proceeded to eat and talk away, as if they were at their own dining table at home. So in addition to hearing the "Magic Flute" overture and "Bugler's Holiday" played by our wonderful pops orchestra, I heard these people talking throughout the whole concert.

I have a short fuse and am working on anger management, so I forced myself to keep quiet and not say anything to them. I didn't want to create a scene where hundreds of people were happily enjoying the concert. The only thing I did was, about halfway through the concert, I stared at the man facing me at the table and raised my finger to my lips in a "shh, be quiet" gesture.

I tried to put myself in their shoes: It had been a long winter and they were happy to be out and having a picnic. But still, could they please shut up during the music?

What can I do to not be so annoyed? I doubt anything will change; there are some who just can't be quiet at outdoor concerts.

GENTLE READER: Congratulations on not hitting them with your picnic basket.

Hurray for anger management.

Miss Manners understands the provocation. Concert halls are one of the venues where people most irritate one another, although not quite up there with grocery store lines. And, as you point out, outdoor concerts confuse people into thinking they are just lounging around in the sunshine (or moonlight) with some nice background music.

You did the right thing. The idea is to appear sympathetic to well-meaning people whose attention lapsed momentarily, forgetting that their picnic spot was also a concert venue. Hard to swallow, isn't it?

You might practice accompanying your stare with the polite please-shut-up look -- tilting your head and raising your eyebrows, the general expression for showing low-key sympathy for minor troubles.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 36 years old with a wonderful husband and five wonderful daughters. I am graduating from college with my bachelor's of business management. We are having a gathering for family and friends to congratulate me.

Can you tell me how to word the invitations to let everyone know gifts are appreciated?

GENTLE READER: "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!"

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN