Friend Surprised By Level Of Woman's Depression
DEAR HARRIETTE: Last week, I surprised a friend of mine on her birthday because I hadn't heard from her in a couple of months. I am so glad I showed up when I did, because it seems like she needed some love. I tried to conceal my shock, but upon entry to her apartment, it was complete chaos -- clothes, groceries, empty food containers, dishes and trash everywhere. She was stunned to see me at her door, and even more stunned when I rolled up my sleeves and began getting her place in order. By the end of the night, we'd cleaned up her home, done some laundry, blew out some candles, ate some birthday cake, cried, laughed, prayed together and discussed the depression she's experiencing. Last year, her best friend passed away, and she is still struggling with that loss. On top of that, she was laid off two months ago. What kind of resources would you suggest to a friend climbing out of depression and finding herself and her career again? -- Darkest Hour
DEAR DARKEST HOUR: Thank God you showed up when you did and had the right attitude and wherewithal to support your friend. You should stay in close touch with her. She trusts you and let you in even as she has been isolating herself. Recommend she go to counseling. If she still has insurance, she can look for an individual therapist. She can also look for grief counseling through a spiritual home or community center. She may consider volunteering at a retirement home or a children's center. Why? Sometimes putting your mind on others can help you to heal. The act of serving others has a calming quality, and it can take your mind off your problems.
DEAR HARRIETTE: You really missed an opportunity to tell the letter writer "Not Your Boyfriend" to stand up for herself when the guy she's been dating for months asked what she wanted for her birthday, then when she answered, "Surprise me," he announced he "wasn't her boyfriend." The letter writer herself said they weren't "official," whatever that means.
It is obvious this woman has very low self-esteem if she's dating some guy for months "unofficially," and he tells her outright he isn't her boyfriend.
Please use your platform to advise her to drop this user and move on to a guy who respects and values her as a person, not just a convenience. She is wasting her time and self-respect by allowing herself to be used and emotionally abused by Mr. "Not Your Boyfriend." Can he make his disrespect for her any clearer? Forget about red flags, this guy is a jerk who doesn't see her as a worthwhile person. -- Run
DEAR RUN: Yes, this man is not honoring her, so she should leave. Also, I must say I hear from so many people who are in casual, uncommitted relationships for many months at a time. It seems to be a trend. For anyone who finds themselves in such a bond, reassess if it's worth it. Sometimes that kind of company is not.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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