Sister Jealous Of Sibling's Success
DEAR HARRIETTE: My younger sister admitted to me that she is jealous of me and has spent her whole life trying to live up to my name. I will admit that I have been successful in life, but not without hard work. I create documentaries and have been able to travel all around the world for them. My sister works a regular 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. job and hates every minute of it, but she doesn't know what else she really wants to do in life.
Growing up, I never thought of myself as competing with my sister. I was simply following the path that felt right for me. I worked hard, took risks and pursued a career that allowed me to combine my passions with my work. I never expected her to do the same. In fact, I have always encouraged her to find her own path and have never thought less of her for having a more traditional career. Now that she has told me how she feels, I can't help but look back and wonder if I unintentionally made her feel like she was living in my shadow. She says she has spent years comparing herself to me and feels like she hasn't accomplished nearly as much. How can I support my sister and make her feel more confident and satisfied with her life? -- In My Shadow
DEAR IN MY SHADOW: Family dynamics can be complicated even when the way they unfold is not conscious on your part. Your sister watching you put all that effort into your dream was daunting for her -- and not a strike against you. Tell your sister you did not intend to make her feel small. You were on autopilot living your life. Remind her that each of you is different and comparing doesn't work at all. Encourage her to stay focused on herself and what brings her joy. It needn't be a career. What else fills her cup? She needs to notice that rather than how she is not like you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I can't stop thinking about my ex. We were never officially in a relationship, but we went out for months until we started drifting away from each other. Recently, I've started going on dates with other people and making plans, but he is always in the back of my mind. I sometimes feel like I want to make him jealous, but I think I'm actually just hurting myself. I keep comparing the new men I've been seeing to him and, for some reason, they can't compare. I'm unsure whether it's love or just infatuation with the endless what-ifs we could've had. Sometimes I think I've moved on, but then my heart finds a way of reminding me of him. How can I get him out of my thoughts and focus on meeting someone else, or even just being OK with being solo? -- I Love My Ex
DEAR I LOVE MY EX: Make a list of qualities your ex had that you would like in a relationship now. Instead of longing for him, notice who has those positive attributes as you also give others space to be themselves around you. You have to be open to meeting someone new and stop obsessing about the past.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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