Ex Needs To Find Tools To Handle Emotions
DEAR HARRIETTE: I cut things off with my boyfriend recently. Unfortunately, I do not think it was the right time for us to be together. Throughout our relationship, we had many problems that all stemmed from us not being mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
Breaking up has been hard. We decided to go no-contact so we don't fall back into a relationship; however, I find myself missing him more than I thought I would. He was someone I could lean on and talk to when I felt my lowest. It was that type of dependency that made me want to take my space and learn to regulate my emotions without him. I often felt like I was putting my feelings on him, causing a rift between us. Now that I am single, I don't have the tools needed to handle basic changes in mood. How do you recommend I start to build emotional independence so I don't end up where I started? -- Emotional Dependence
DEAR EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE: You are a prime candidate for therapy. By working with a professional, you can look at your behavior in a relationship objectively, discover what worked and what didnÕt work, and consider healthier choices for how to conduct yourself. Learning to be strong on your own is a requirement for a healthy life, and it can take time. I recommend investing the time and money into professional help that can shore you up and give you tools to support your growth as an adult and ultimately help you to be ready to be in another relationship.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got engaged, and I am jumping for joy. My fiance is everything I ever wanted -- and more. He knows how to be there when I need him, and he gives me space when I feel overwhelmed. Our arguments always end with peace, and we are sure never to cross each other's boundaries. Although I am counting down the minutes to our wedding day, I do have one big caveat: My family does not like him, specifically my dad. He feels like my fiance is not traditional enough for him and doesn't want such a modern man as a son-in-law. For example, my fiance did not ask my parents for permission to propose to me. This oversight made my dad feel disrespected and widened the gap between them. These are two of the most important men to me, and I do not want there to be a rift between them. Do you think it's worth it to host mediation, or should I just live my life with the person I love? -- Dad Objects
DEAR DAD OBJECTS: It is important for your fiance to get along with your father -- or at least to have a respectful relationship. Talk to him about your fatherÕs disappointment, which stems from his desire to ensure that his baby is properly loved and protected. Suggest that your fiance request a meeting with your father to talk about the life you and he hope to build together. He doesnÕt have to follow your fatherÕs rules, but he should listen and get to know him better and learn what your father thinks is important to know about you. Your father may give him a hard time at first. ThatÕs OK. If he is respectful and listens well, over time the relationship should grow.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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