Parents Upset Teen Daughter Is Smoking
DEAR HARRIETTE: I caught my 16-year-old daughter smoking cigarettes out of her window today, and IÕm beside myself. I asked her how long sheÕs been doing this and who got her into smoking, and she told me this was her first cigarette and nobody told her to smoke. When I looked at her cigarette pack, it was half empty -- she was lying to me! I donÕt want my daughter to smoke, especially at this young of an age. ItÕs going to have negative effects on her health, and IÕm scared for her future. My husband and I have never smoked anything in either of our lives and definitely nothing in front of our daughter. IÕm so disappointed that somewhere down the line we failed her and she felt the need to start smoking.
I told my daughter that she needs to quit, but she didnÕt seem to care about the consequences. ItÕs clear that she is going to continue to smoke behind my back. Do you think there is anything I can do to stop her, or should I accept the fact that my daughter has free will and can do whatever she wants since I canÕt have eyes on her at every moment? -- No Smoking
DEAR NO SMOKING: You cannot force your child to do anything. The good news is, many people try smoking and other bad choices fleetingly. I remember the one time I tried smoking at a high school dance; I bought a pack of cigarettes and attempted to smoke the whole thing because I couldnÕt bring the pack home. A boy I liked suggested that I stop because I did not look cute. That worked on me. (An admonishment from my mom probably would not have stopped me.)
Set the rule for no cigarettes at home -- even outside the window -- and remind her that she is smart and should make smart choices for her life. This isnÕt one of them. Then let her be.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I genuinely enjoy spending time with, but she tends to completely dominate conversations. Whenever weÕre together, sheÕll launch into long stories and keep talking without really pausing or inviting anyone else into the conversation. I donÕt think sheÕs doing it intentionally -- sheÕs just naturally talkative and expressive -- but it often leaves little to no room for me or others to share our thoughts. Over time, IÕve noticed myself feeling frustrated and even a bit disconnected during our conversations because it feels so one-sided. I donÕt want to embarrass her or make her feel self-conscious about something she may not even realize sheÕs doing, but I also donÕt want my growing frustrations to make me push my friend away. Is this something I should bring up with her? If so, how can I do it in a kind and constructive way? -- Chatty Patty
DEAR CHATTY PATTY: Tell your friend you need to have a serious conversation with her -- then go for it. Explain that you have noticed that she rarely lets other people talk because she is constantly talking. It is frustrating, and you need her to notice her behavior and make space for actual conversation. She may balk. Invite her to observe the next time sheÕs in a group. Who is talking? Who is not? Suggest that if she doesnÕt begin to welcome others into conversation, she may end up talking to herself.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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