ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We lost power from a hurricane for 10 days. We were lucky we suffered no major damage to our home or our property.

However, once gasoline became available, some neighbors began running generators 24 hours a day. It was so noisy that we had to close our windows to sleep, which became the worst part of the hurricane experience.

Unless a person requires one for medical conditions, what do you think should be the proper etiquette for running a generator? I know that if you run it two or three hours in the morning and another two or three hours in the evening, you can power up your freezer and save the contents.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette rules can survive hurricanes (and worse) because they have exceptions to deal with actual circumstances.

This is a perennial source of disappointment to the anti-etiquette crowd, who proudly discover etiquette's fatal flaw by asserting (incorrectly) that it would be rude to shout at someone to warn them of a fast-approaching car.

The rule in your case is that keeping the neighbors up at night is rude, but excusable in the case of unavoidable necessity. The immediate aftermath of a once-in-20-years disaster qualifies.

What does not qualify are events that used to be once-in-20-years, but are now common and manageable. It is also unacceptable to cite the exception long after there has been time to find a more considerate solution, or to ignore consideration for others even when there is no justifying necessity -- which is the point that likely applies to your situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and I were traveling in a foreign country, and were seated for lunch. When I had given the waiter my order, my friend signaled to the waiter by curling her index finger and pointing it towards herself as if to say, "Come closer." I would have preferred she simply smile and look at him to indicate she was ready to order.

Then, when she was halfway across the room paying her bill, she said to me in a loud voice, "Sue, service is already included in the bill," indicating I should not leave a tip.

Her behavior upset me. Am I being too critical?

GENTLE READER: Domestically, your friend's behavior was marginal. Abroad, it will be interpreted as representing the manners of all Americans, so your embarrassment is understandable.

There are, however, limited options if you are to avoid a repetition without being unmannerly yourself:

1. Convince everyone you come in contact with that your friend is so famous or so rich that her behavior is charming. Not only is this difficult to execute, it is equally likely, in the days of social media, to have unintended side effects.

2. Persuade your friend that you will have a more enjoyable vacation if, contrary to popular advice, she behaves less like her daily self, since her outgoing nature is apt to be misunderstood by the locals.

3. Throw yourself between her and any waiter for the remainder of the trip.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN