ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were on the coast and stopped at a quaint place for lunch. I ordered a lobster tail, which came with the shell on. When I started to open it, it suddenly flew off my plate and out into the dining room somewhere.

Being an independent and adventurous woman, I decided to go track it down and found myself wandering around the venue, peering sidewise under tables until I finally located the orange shell. I picked it up and went back to my table where my husband was in convulsions.

Now mind you, it was summer, so of course I was wearing white pants.

I tried to calm my husband, acknowledging that it was indeed quite not normal for people's lunch to fly into the center of a dining room. But he said it was not so much that I went looking for my lunch, but the deep gooey brown stain I had all over my backside that had been on display throughout my search.

Horrified, I peered around to check, and indeed, there was a thick gooey dark substance smeared all over the seat of my pants. I then discovered additional evidence of there having been brown droppings on the chair where I had been seated.

The question I am left with is: What kind of a tip should one be expected to leave in such a situation?

GENTLE READER: Aren't you going to charge entertainment tax? And perhaps request alimony?

Leaving aside the marital failing for the moment, Miss Manners can assure you that you needn't indulge in retrospective embarrassment. Small accidents, although no fault of your own, may cause this. Had you merely walked around peering under people's tables, unkind people may have snickered -- and resolved not to order the lobster.

But adding the pants display made it so awful that no one would have had the emotional freedom to make fun of you. They were all too busy being grateful that it had not happened to themselves.

To answer your question: One should always tip extra when causing extra work. Presumably the staff will have to clean up that chair -- although, how did the mess get there?

But there is another question you should be asking. It is a sacred marital duty to rescue one's spouse from a difficult, not to say ludicrous, situation. What was yours doing while you went lobster hunting? Laughing? Eating his own lobster? Pretending he was not with you?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got in line at the grocery store checkout, quickly followed by another woman behind me. Apparently, she thought she should have gotten my place in line, as she began loudly grumbling about the rudeness of people!

When we approached the checkout counter, she still grumbled. So I asked her to go ahead of me. She looked startled and shook her head dismissively. I insisted, saying she had only one item, whereas I had several.

She darted ahead without a word as though I'd insulted her. My common courtesy ruined her day.

GENTLE READER: Unkind people would condemn this as passive-aggressive behavior. Miss Manners commends it as better than the usual aggressive-aggressive behavior -- and more effective.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN