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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that women sit with their legs together, just crossed at the ankles. My daughter is trying to have her daughter not cross her legs, but she sees all those TV women sit that way.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners has noticed that a few notable women on TV (as opposed to "TV women") have actually been crossing their legs at the ankle -- including a certain pop star who particularly appeals to young girls.

She suggests that you have your daughter point this out to your granddaughter, perhaps adding some extra admiration for how elegant it makes her look. Finding a disliked celebrity with the offending crossed legs is optional. But perhaps equally effective.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are rarely able to get an evening out, so I was very excited to attend a jazz concert at a historic hall. Seated immediately on my left was a gentleman I will refer to as Mr. Penguin, because he wore a shirt covered in a large penguin picture.

Mr. Penguin seemed to have no notion of personal space. He took over the shared armrest and leaned so far into my space that I was forced to smash myself into the corner of my seat. When my body became too cramped, I waited for a small moment when Mr. Penguin leaned forward, and I straightened up in my seat.

That did not stop him from pressing into my arm and shoulder. Despite my stiff shoulder, Mr. Penguin did not take the hint and continued to "play along" with the orchestra, flailing his arms like he was playing the piano, drums, sax, trumpet or whatever, all the time jostling my entire body.

Unfortunately, there was no intermission when I could ask Mr. Penguin to refrain from bouncing me in my own seat or when I could enlist the help of concert hall staff. The rows were very narrow, and if I had gotten up, my husband and the rest of the row would have had to stand to let me pass. I would have disturbed our entire row, plus all those seated behind us.

I spent the majority of the concert wondering what Miss Manners would recommend. I even longed for the days of hat pins. What would have been the civil way to manage the situation?

GENTLE READER: By gently putting your hand on his and whispering pleasantly, "Do you mind?" If Mr. Penguin cannot figure out what he should mind, Miss Manners recommends you point to one of the myriad body parts in violation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper for a dinner guest to give an additional tip to a server after the host has paid the check and given a substantial tip?

GENTLE READER: If the guest is trying to make the host look bad, it is not proper. But if the guest asked for a special accommodation, broke something or is otherwise issuing a bribe, Miss Manners is inclined, as you should be, to look the other way.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN