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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an aunt to a niece who is married with two sons. She's always been somewhat naive about certain things. This last Christmas, she gave me a $25 gift card to a place where I get pedicures. I was somewhat surprised, as a pedicure here costs $49.

She and her husband make a combined income of over $150,000. They recently moved into a home costing $800,000, and I gave them $3,000 to have the interior painted by a professional. I generously give them money for their kids' college funds, as well as other things. I enjoy being a part of their lives and I can afford to be generous.

I am not complaining about the size of her gift. My concern is that she doesn't seem to understand appropriate gift card amounts. I once had someone educate me along these lines as to what dollar amount is an appropriate wedding gift. When I later married, I received a $10 gift from a couple, both of whom had enjoyed the reception's prime rib dinner and open bar. I was appalled.

Am I out of bounds in wanting to educate my niece as to what is appropriate? My instinct is to talk to my sister, her mother, about this. Her mom avoids talking to her daughter about most things as she doesn't want to upset her.

GENTLE READER: In her own naive way, Miss Manners notices that your concern about gift cards requires a remarkable number of dollar signs to express.

You no doubt meant to say that with gifts, it is the thought that matters. Full stop. Fortunately, good manners prevent you from talking to your niece -- or anyone else as a go-between -- about how you think she should behave.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you extend an invitation to someone to do something together if you're not offering to pay for them? Say a concert or play is coming up, and you know someone who would like to go. Of course, you would like to sit together.

Is it polite to say, "Hey, that band you like is coming here in June. Tickets are (dollar amount). Would you rather grab your own ticket, or should I grab yours when I get ours so we can sit together?"

I have always felt awkward when inviting people in these situations, but have also been stuck when the friend doesn't pay me back. If it's my treat, I'll just say, "I got us tickets!" But when I want them to join but can't afford to pay for them, it is harder to be clear.

GENTLE READER: That is two questions, but Miss Manners does not mind, particularly as you already answered one yourself.

Your form for asking is serviceable -- when you know the friend is going to pay you back. When that is doubtful, buy your own tickets and leave them to buy theirs. Rather than sit together, you can meet up for drinks in the lobby at intermission.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN