ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend told me he had been contacted by his former college roommate. Clyde and Stan are in their 60s and live in different states. They have remained good friends since college, and see each other sporadically at informal reunions of their large group of common college friends.

Stan's daughter is getting married and he is inviting all his college friends to the wedding because he thinks it would be a "fun" occasion at which they can all reconnect. Clyde politely declined the invitation because he has never met Stan's daughter or her intended.

Subsequently, Clyde learned he would need to travel, for an unrelated reason, to the city where the wedding is being held. The timing of the trip is flexible, so Clyde has decided to arrive the day after the wedding. Most of his old college friends who are coming to the wedding will still be in town for a day or two after and plan to socialize. Clyde looks forward to joining them, including Stan.

I asked him if he would be sending a wedding present, and he said he does not plan to do so since he is not attending any of the actual wedding festivities. I said that some might think he had timed his arrival in order to enjoy the social amenities of gathering with his friends without paying the "price of admission" by buying a present. (Clyde is well off and a generous friend, so I really don't think this is the reason.)

He thinks I have a cynical view of human nature. What does Miss Manners think?

GENTLE READER: That you are making trouble when no one else seems to care. Even you do not believe your theory that Clyde is trying to get away with something.

You did not mention your specific role in all this, but if the real motivation is that you wish you could either skip the wedding or the present yourself, Miss Manners would not call you cynical, just envious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son married a woman who had divorced her first husband several years ago. She has chosen to use a hyphenated last name that is a combination of her ex-husband's name and my son's.

I find this inappropriate and very disrespectful to my son. She has no children, so I can't imagine why she does this. They live in the same small town as her ex-husband, and I think her decision must be both hurtful and embarrassing for my son.

I realize this is not something I should discuss with him, but I am wondering what your opinion is in this regard.

GENTLE READER: The lady's choice is unusual, but presumably she has her reasons, such as having established a professional reputation under that name.

Miss Manners has to believe -- as you should -- that your son has already addressed this or has chosen to ignore it. In either case, you will only benefit from not saying anything. Especially if he does at some point decide that it is disrespectful and needs to vent to his loving, discreet mommy.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN