ArcaMax

Dear Eric: About two years ago, I realized that my sister and brother-in-law had burglarized me when I had made a mission trip many years ago. Some years later, I began to discover that various items were missing from my home – medical and estate records, articles of clothing, various photographs, and a portrait of my mother. They all seemed unrelated at the times I discovered they were missing. Had I known there was one source, I could have easily told the police actionable details.

Additionally, what has been taken from me is some Norwegian poetry that my grandmother had left in her Bible. It reflected her great sorrow at the death of her son who, accidentally, lost his

life years ago. My sister did not want her adopted children to know about any of this.

My sister and brother-in-law have recently passed away, both under very seemingly tragic circumstances. Their children know nothing about their chicanery.

Frankly, I would like to tell my unassuming relatives and, perhaps, even some of their friends, including those at church, the truth. These people have been beneficiaries of their gratuity, some of which were personal treasures of my mother.

As far as they know, my sister is just a very successful, generous person, greatly favored by my mother and the rest of the world. The fact is she was a thief and liar.

– Stolen Treasures

Dear Stolen: I’m very sorry this happened to you. What a terrible breach of trust. I’m sorry, too, that your sister and brother-in-law are no longer able to make amends. But I’m not certain that telling their grieving children or their friends about their crimes is going to bring you the closure you seek.

Indeed, it will likely raise more questions and cause more sorrow, without making you feel any better.

However, if there are items of your mother’s that you feel particularly attached to and want to get back, it’s appropriate to reach out to the people who have them and ask for them back. You can, in this case, even tell them that your sister shouldn’t have given them away.

You don’t have to forgive your sister, if that’s not what’s in your heart at the moment, but it will help you to make peace with her actions. They weren’t right; they were hurtful; they were cruel. But you don’t have to live under the shadow of her actions.

Dear Eric: My sister-in-law berated me for inviting her two adult sons for a dinner and not including her and her boyfriend.

Although we have included the two of them in the past, this time my husband wanted to keep it simple and just invite one son and his wife, along with our son and his girlfriend, because they shared a common experience.

We then learned that her other son, who is visiting from out of town, is staying with son number one, so we asked him also.

She told me that, being their mother, she should always be included because she seldom sees them otherwise and accused me of “stepping on her toes.”

She also complained I was taking her daughter-in-law away from her because she brought me candy as a hostess gift once and never took her any.

My question is: Were we wrong, and how do we move forward? Do we now always include her and her boyfriend, do we stop seeing the family, or we ignore her directions and risk her wrath? She said that telling me made her feel better, but it certainly did not make my day.

– Chastised Sister-in-Law

Dear Sister-in-Law: This barrage of complaints may have made her feel better (temporarily), but I doubt it’s solved any of her real problems. Though your sister-in-law was using you to vent her frustrations, it doesn’t seem like most of those frustrations are really about you. Instead, it seems she’s frustrated about her relationship with her sons, or lack thereof. Yes, she was also hurt by seemingly being left out of this get-together, and that’s understandable.

When the other son also tagged along, that might have been a good opportunity to at least give their mother a heads-up. Everyone here is an adult and responsible for their own social calendars, but one can see how she might feel excluded.

That said, the accusations of stepping on her toes and stealing her daughter-in-law away from her don’t hold much water. If you are really smarting from the conversation, it might help to circle back to her and set a boundary for how she talks to you. But there’s no need to stop spending time with family. Going forward, it’s good to know that this is a sensitive area for her and it might be in everyone’s best interests to include everyone for a little while.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.