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Dear Eric: My neighbors have boisterous parties on occasion. It’s not a matter of noise – they’re very considerate about it. But from the number of cars and the late leaving times I can only imagine that everyone is having a good time. I heard a rumor that they might be swingers, so that explains some things. The house on the other side of them is for sale. Should I let potential buyers know what they might be walking into?

– Concerned Neighbor

Dear Neighbor: Leave it be. This pineapple upside-down cake is not fully baked. From what you’ve written, you have popular but conscientious neighbors about whom someone spread a rumor. A rumor that does not impact you in any way, mind you. If you were to tell a potential buyer, the thing that they’d likely be most concerned about is moving into a neighborhood where there’s too much unfounded gossip.

Dear Eric: I thought I'd add to your good advice to “Stuck Student” who was in college but not sure yet what he wanted to be yet. I spent four and a half years in college, changed my major twice and graduated with a liberal arts degree and no plan for where to go next.

I was lifeguarding and living with my parents the summer after school ended when a friend convinced me to take a computer programming class "for fun" at a local community college.

Because the class was with a buddy, we had fun and took a second one. Then I took an aptitude test at a local financial firm and was invited into their technical training program. I was never very good at the programming part, but I was good at managing projects and teams and with a core understanding of technology and additional coursework it became a successful IT management career.

My point is that not knowing what you want to do in college is normal and not limiting at all. There are majors that can track you directly into a specific career path, but a college degree is mainly to learn how to think critically, analyze facts and situations and apply that learning to life.

Stuck Student should focus more on what courses he likes and doesn't like, learn something from every class and use that knowledge to home in on what he might eventually like to become.

– No Hurry

Dear No Hurry: I really appreciate this perspective. Because we are a few weeks into the new school year, I thought it useful to share your letter and the letter below, in case there are other students reading who find themselves adrift.

I especially like your focus on college’s ability to help one think critically. The value of critical thinking cannot be overstated. Sometimes one is in an educational environment to learn a specific skill or trade. But at other times, one is there to learn how to learn and to discover what one doesn’t know. It’s a privilege to take advantage of that opportunity.

Dear Eric: This is a letter in reference to “Stuck Student”, a second-year college student who didn’t know what path to take. Back when I was 18 and had gone off to college, I truly had no idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I naively thought that everyone picked a career and was good at it and enjoyed it. I had fears of picking something I'd neither like nor be any good at. I didn't go see any college counselors either, unaware that this was obviously something with which they could help me.

I did drop out and worked at various jobs. Later, in my 30s, my husband pointed out that financially, this might be a good time to go back to school. By this time, I had the wisdom and maturity to understand that there was no single, magical career in which I'd completely excel, or which I'd love completely.

So, I just told myself to pick something and make it work. The local college had a nursing program and with that philosophy, I entered the program. Thirty years later I still love it. It's complex, mentally and physically challenging, and constantly interesting. My message to Stuck Student is that obtaining that degree doesn't hold you to one single path. It's fine to be unsure, and he/she is on the right track with their studies.

– Colorado Reader

Dear Reader: Yes! Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s never too late to revisit higher education. While college or vocational training are a wonderful next step for many high schoolers, it can be so rewarding to hold off on it or come back to it with some life experience and perspective under your belt. I’m glad it worked out so well for you.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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