ArcaMax

Dear Eric: I am a retiree in a bridge group. We have played together for many years. Because we have just enough for one table of players and play at the same person's house several days per week, we are subject to "house rules.”

This person sees herself as the teacher even though I am very proficient. She constantly replays each hand when completed and during plays tells me what I should play. If I disagree, she tells me that I don't want to learn.

This has caused so much friction, that I finally gave up playing with these three women. The home hostess went off on me with a litany of cruel and nasty comments like we are in middle school, and she is the bully with her clique.

Now I have been refused play even during "open" play and have been threatened that if it happens again, I will not be allowed to play at all.

I don't know what the "it" is and feel anxious about returning in the fall when the season gets in full swing. I enjoy playing in the fall with others not including those three.

What suggestions do you have for me as the fall season is just around the corner? I want to be a friendly and accepted part of this snowbird group.

– Love to Play Bridge

Dear Bridge: If I’m reading your letter correctly, there is a larger community of bridge players with whom you can play, but for years you’ve played with this one cohort. If that’s the case, it would be best to cut your losses and seek out other players with whom you have a better social connection.

It doesn’t seem like the issue is your friendliness. It seems the hostess of your bridge group wants to exert a certain amount of control and that simply doesn’t work for you. There’s no reason to subject yourself to nasty comments or even rules that rub you the wrong way. The goal is to enjoy yourself in a social situation, so it won’t do you much good to continue engaging with people who are unkind to you.

Dear Eric: I think my sister is trying to become a tradwife influencer. She makes videos about baking and homesteading and returning to a simpler time. She has a bit of a following. But it’s all fake. She hates cooking and totally neglects her garden. How do I know? Because I live next door and the garden that she’s always filming is our shared garden.

I don’t have TVs in the house, and my wife homeschools my kids. I actually do believe we’d be a lot better off if we had simpler lives. My sister, meanwhile, is addicted to reality TV and to her phone. She and her husband even have a cleaning woman who comes in a few times a week.

She’s always lurked in my shadow but she’s so critical of some of the decisions that my wife and I make. Which is why this whole tradwife persona is so confusing. Does she hate who we are, or not?

I don’t want any influence. I don’t even have social media. I’m not cut off from society by any means, but I’m not nearly as connected as she is.

I don’t know what her problem is. Honestly, I get so mad when she makes a video showcasing a tomato I grew or a pie she “made” filled with fruit I harvested myself or a vase of flowers that she couldn’t even name. I’m tempted to just let the garden bolt and grow wild so that she has less to post about. Is that too petty?

– Weeding the Garden

Dear Garden: Letting your horticultural efforts go to waste seems like a case of cutting off your rose to spite your face, as it were. You’re getting joy from planting, tending to and harvesting fruits, vegetables, and flowers. Don’t let your sister take that from you.

While she is using the garden’s delights as props for her social media persona, you presumably continue to value them and to make use of them. It would be a shame to let all of that go. I also imagine it would have an impact on your family’s meals.

It’s probably best for you to just ignore what she does on social media. It’s not hurting you. If you so desire, you can formally split the garden into your side and her side. But that may not stop her from claiming the stolen valor of your plants.

The most important thing to remember is that whatever she’s trying to get with these posts is not something that you desire. Keep your focus on your goals and your happiness and leave her to her quixotic deceptions.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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